Chocolates,Lies, and Four Letter Words
by MoonlightGardenias
Summary: After the conversation in the stairwell.After being assigned to a case that Derek was working on, Meredith is forced to work with him again. She is faced with lies they have both made, and the most dangerous four letter word of all:love. MerDer Story.
1. Can't Quit You

**Okay, so after Sunday's episode, I was needing to write some MerDer fic. It basically ****follows everything that's been happening...including the "stairwell conversation"...it'll ****make sense later.Anyways, Read and Review, please...**

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Meredith awoke to the sound of a car alarm going off across the street. Shaking the thoughts from her head, she stared at the glowing green screen on her alarm clock. _4:30_. Sighing, she knew it was useless to try to go back to sleep.

Getting up, she made her way to the kitchen. Not even bothering to turn on the light, Meredith poured herself a cup of orange juice, and making sure that Izzie wasn't around, she grabbed a piece of her dark chocolate. Sitting at the kitchen table, she let out a sigh. It was from exhaustion, from everything she had been through within the past few days.

Derek was the one constant in her life, and it wasn't really in a good way. Sure, he had been a friend for the most part. He had actually gotten Addison to be nice to her. But the conversationlast weekin the stairwell was the one the ran rampant in her mind. In the whole time she had known him, Derek had never declared anything 'over'. Not that that meant anything, but he had actually said they were over. Done. No "We'll see", No "For now"..Just plain done.

Derek rubbed his eyes, sighing. More than anything, he knew he needed sleep. He knew he had surgery in the morning. But still, he was awake. Staring at Addison's sleeping form beside him, he'd wondered if he'd made a mistake.

Getting out of bed, he walked to the kitchen area, pouring himself some water. Walking outside, he saw a hint of what was the moon peering out from behind the clouds. Truthfully, he wasn't looking foward to the day. Because if he did, then that would mean he'd have to face Meredith. He'd have to face the decisions he made. It wasn't that he regretted them, but rather the fact that now he questioned what he had said.

Swatting at a mosquito on his arm, Derek sighed. Why did things happen the way he did? Had Addison stayed in New York, would things have been different? Would he still have been with Meredith?

Had he not gone to see the vet with Doc, had he not seen Meredith there, would things have been any different? Those questions pondered his mind. Getting up from the step, turning to go back inside.

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"Mer?...Meredith, Wake up!"

The voice came from some place far away, somewhere that she wasn't sure she wanted to go.

"Hmm?"She called, feeling a hand on her shoulder.

"Mer, you in there?Come on, we're gonna be late!"She heard Izzie say, shoving a plate of pancakes in front of her. Staring at the chocolate wrappers on the table, Izzie cleared her throat loudly.

"Hmm..Oh...Food."Meredith said, sitting up. Rubbing her back, she felt pain. She must have fallen asleep.

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That day at Seattle Grace, Meredith stood talking to Izzie and Cristina. "What's wrong with you?"Cristina asked.

"Good morning to you, too."Meredith said, laughing. "But really-what isn't wrong with me these days?"

Rolling her eyes, Cristina continued her way into the hospital. "Please tell me this isn't gonna be one of your 'woe is me' days, Mer. Because If it is-"

"It's not. I'm fine...Derek thinks I'm a whore...but I'm fine. I've got to move on sooner or later, right?You guys wanna go to Joe's tonight?"Meredith asked, changing the mood.

"Sure...why?"Cristina asked.

"Maybe...Maybe it's a reason to celebrate?"Meredith suggested.

"Hm-What are we celebrating?"Izzie asked, munching on an apple.

"I don't know.Just...being us. Being...interns who...every once in a while...deserve a break."

"Amen to that..."Cristina said as the elevator doors opened.

"Interns...you're late."Bailey said, spotting them. "Yang...Lucky you, you're on the Shephard surgery this morning. Karev...see to the patient in 3052.Came in this morning, complaining of symptoms..They're in his file. Stevens, O'Malley..."She said as they walked up. "You're with Dr.Burke this morning and Grey..."

Meredith closed her eyes, knowing there wasn't much else. Crossing her fingers, a move that didn't go unnoticed by Bailey, Meredith drew a breath.

"Check up on Gwen...Dr.Shephard's patient from yesterday.Then, I have a patient right now..I'll need you to check my labs...let me know.And then...we'll see."She said, before heading off.

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Checking Gwen's chart, Meredith sighed. So far, so good. She had managed to avoid any confrontation and that's how they hoped it would stay.

"Is Everything okay?"

Meredith turned, hearing the voice behind her. "Oh yes...You're very healthy, you know.You're already showing signs of improvement."

"That's good...do you know when I can go home?"Gwen asked, sitting up.

"Not yet.Dr.Shephard still has to run tests...your operation did go smoothly, but there are after effects that we still need to be careful about."Meredith said.

Gwen nodded, fighting back a yawn. "I see..."She said, examining the look on Meredith's face.

"Is something wrong?"Meredith asked.

"No.I just..."Gwen said, laughing. "I like studying peoples faces. It's amazing what you'll find there. The truth is, most of what we say isn't said through words, but by body language."Realizing that she was rambling, she sighed.

Staring across the room, she cleared her throat. "Well, I guess I'll let you go an check up on your other patients.I know I'm not the only one you have to deal with.Hey, what happened to..Izzie I believe her name is?Why wasn't she my doctor today?"

"She was assigned to another patient.She's in surgery, actually...I could have her stop by later if you wanted."Meredith offered.

"No, it's fine.I don't want to be a bother. Are you okay?"Gwen asked, drumming her fingers on the table next to the bed.

Snapping her head toward her, Meredith wondered what she meant.

"I'm fine..."Meredith let out, knowing full well it was a lie.

"Are you sure?"Gwen asked.

"Why?"

Gwen shurgged, tilting her head. "It's just something about you..."

The door to the room opened and Derek walked into the room. A look was exchanged between he and Meredith that didn't go unnoticed by Gwen.

"I thought you had surgery this morning..."Meredith said, annoyance tinging her voice.

"I do."Derek said, nodding. "But they're prepping her for surgery now.I wanted to stop by and check on my patient...are her vitals in check?"Derek asked, not even looking at her.

Gazing towards him, Meredith wished she could know what he was thinking. He had to know that it hurt-the things he had said to her. He had to know that that was the only real thing she had been able to concentrate on for the past week.

"Dr.Grey?"He asked, breakinng her from her thoughts.

"Yeah...Yes, Der...Dr.Shephard.I should go...I've got labs to check on for Bailey. I'll be back later with your medication, Gwen."Meredith said, walking out of the room.

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Derek stood, watching her leave the room. She hated him now, didn't she?

"Go after her."

Derek spun around, staring at the woman in the bed. Why was it that strangers always seemed to be the ones to point out the obvious.

"No...she needs time right now.I'm worried about you."

"Worried?Dr.Grey said I was fine."

"I'm..I'm sorry."Derek said, pleading himself to remain focused.

"I didn't mean it like that...I mean, you are better...the operation did go well. What I mean is...I'm supposed to be worried that you are well...Dr.Grey...well..."He said, laughing.

"You love her, don't you?"

His mouth hung open. "Um...You know what?...I've..."He said, pretending to check his pager.

Standing up, he cleared his throat. "Meredith will be back to check on you later...Til then...try and get some rest."He said, leaving.

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He attempted to make his way down the hallway, just in time to see Meredith round the corner.

"Derek.."He heard her call. Wincing as he turned around, he sighed.

"Addison...hello."

"I was thinking...well, I mean the thought just occured to me...but we haven't been out in a while."

"Out?''Derek asked.

"Out...as in dinner?What time do you get off today?"She asked, looking at her watch.

Sighing, Derek shoved his hand into his coat pocket. "Um...Addy...I have surgery in a half hour...could I talk to you about this at lunch?"

Addison looked confused, but nodded. "Sure...I'll see you then."

As soon as she said that, Derek nodded, then left. Looking down the hallway, he saw the Meredith had already made her way. Walking towards the lab, he stood outside the door.

He knew he had to talk to her, but he didn't know how to word anything.Standing in the doorway, he waited for her to notice him.

"Dr.Shephard, shouldn't you be scrubbing in sometime soon?"

Trying to ignore the cold tone Meredith used, he cleared his throat. "Mer, please-"

"Don't 'Mer' me, Dr.Shephard...I've got work to do."She said, turning her back towards him.

"So it's Dr.Shephard now, huh?"Derek said, walking into the room. Common sense told him that the conversation they would be having required him to shut the door. "When did that happen?"

"Hmm..."Meredith said, writing something on a sheet of paper. "Around the time that you decided that what we had meant nothing to you.You remember the conversation we had, right?The one where you called me a-"

"You know for the record, Dr.Grey...I didn't call you what it is you think I did...I wouldn't."

Meredith still wouldn't turn towards him. "Mer, Please..."He said, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the warmth of his hands. "Derek.."She said, her voice cracking.

"Turn around and face me."

Meredith shook her head, afraid of what she would see.

"Just...please do it."Derek insisted.

Again Meredith shook her head, writing something on a label.

"Meredith Grey..."Derek said, firmly. "All I'm asking you to do...is look at me."

Slowly, she swiveled the chair around. And for the first time in a week, their eyes met.

"No."

Derek frowned, wondering what she meant. "What?"

"I can't do this again, okay?I can't have someone who I honestly thought could still be my friend questioning me about my supposed boyfriend.To tell you the truth, Dr.Shephard...I haven't talked

to Finn since the day after we had our lovely little talk in the stairwell."

The room was silent, neither one of the willing to speak.

A machine beeped, bringing Meredith back to attention.

"You're...serious?"

"Not that it's any of your business..being as...well, you are married and apparently this thing between us is over...but yes."Meredith said, turning back to her work.

Derek coughed, at a loss of words, he lowered his head. "I'm...sorry."

Meredith sat up, nearly rigid. Standing, she turned towards him. "Sorry?...Sorry?You broke my heart into a million pieces and all you have to say is sorry?I tell you that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with you...and you tell me that we're through...I'm trying to move on.You've got to do the same.I thought that maybe I'd like Finn...but I don't.I like you.But I can't have you.So the best thing to do is..."

Grabbing the sides of her face, Derek kissed her. He didn't know what else to do.

Snaking his arm around her waist, he could feel her trying to fight it, but was relieved when he heard her sigh, finally giving in. Running his hands through her hair, he felt scared. At the time, he had only made the decision rashly, as to make her quiet.

But now, now that he was actually kissing her, he didn't know what he'd do afterward. He wanted to remember what it was like, because he didn't know when he'd be able to get that chance again.

Meredith pulled back, trying desperately to regain her breath. "Why'd you do that?"She asked.

Derek drew a breath, tucking Meredith's hair behind her ear. "I don't know. I've got surgery. So uh...I should go."

**A/N:So what to you think?Is it worth continuing?...I know it didn't have much MerDer in the chapter, but I just wanted to get this out here. Let me know what you think...Thanks!**


	2. Addicted

**A/N:First of all..Thanks to all of you who reviewed the first chapter.Incase it wasn't clear ****before, this is a DereDith fic...along with the whole Izzie/Alex thing, Cristina/Burke, ****George and...well, you get the point, right? But it's actually just a MerDer fic, with a little ****of everyone else thrown in.Anyway...**

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Derek stepped out of the OR room, rubbing the back of his neck. The surgery had been successful and the patient was expected to make a full recovery.

Walking down the hallway, he went to break the news to the woman's husband.

"Dr.Shephard."

Turning around, he saw Cristina. "What do you need?"

"Okay, I realize how informal this is...and I realize that normally, I wouldn't even be asking you anything like this...but could you talk to Meredith?"

His mind immediately went back to what had happened earlier in the lab. His mind went to the feel of his hands against her, to the smell of her lavender perfume. Shaking the thoughts from his mind, Derek brought himself back into the current situation.

"Is something wrong?"He asked.

Cristina shot him a "like you don't know" look before continuing. "Look, _Derek_...I only chose to talk to you after the surgery because I know what would happen had I not.All I'm asking you to do is talk to Mer."

"Am I allowed to ask why?"

"Like you don't know already.Like she broke George...you broke her.It's your job to fix her."

Derek stopped walking, turning to face her. Giving her a puzzled look, he knew she was right.

"And...I'm not talking about going back to her..because.."

"Cristina?"He said, wanting to change the subject. "I have to go inform the husband of our patient that his wife wants to see him...I'll catch up with you later."

Walking towards the waiting room, all he wanted to do at that moment was get away from Cristina.

It wasn't so much that he wasnted to escape her, but the truth that she was giving. Why was she always so blunt, yet at the same time right?

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Meredith sat at the lunch table, sighing.

"You okay?"George asked.

Meredith smiled. Atleast something was going right in her day. George was finally talking to her again, and she didn't want to do anything to mess that up.

"I'm working with Bailey today...does that sum it up for you?"

Laughing, George took a bite of his food. "I'm sorry."

Izzie and Cristina made their way to the table. "What's up?"

Meredith looked towards the line, staring intently at Addison and Derek. She saw Addison laughing, and Derek returning the favor. His back was turned, so he couldn't see her staring. She wondered what he was thinking, what he was going through.

After all, he had to know what he had done to her when he kissed her, right? The way his hand wrapped itself around her hair, or the way his breath was hot against her. The look in his eyes after he had realized what he had done was enough to make her wonder.

Alex waved his hand in front of her face, closing in on tapping her nose before she blinked, shaking the thoughts from her head. "I've..."She said,picking her tray up from the table. "I should go. I've got to check up on Gwen, and then Bailey well...she's Bailey.So..."She said, still eying Derek. "I should go...really."

Throwing away her trash, Meredith made her way towards the door.

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Derek watched her leave. He grabbed his plate, knowing he should go after her. He should just set his stuff down and run towards her. But he couldn't.

Sitting at a table, he didn't even seem to notice Addison sitting across from him. His eyes fixated on the doorway, hoping that by some miracle, Meredith would be there again.

Addison followed his line of sight, smiling weakly. "Derek?"She spoke, breaking him from his thoughts.

"Yeah?...Right...I um...well, about tonight-I don't know if-"

"Oh, come on, Derek.."She said, trying to figure out what was bothering him. "It'll be fun."

Sighing, Derek forced himself to pry his eyes away from the doorway. Staring at Addison, he realized the weight of what he had done. He had severed the tie between he and Meredith, and was now forced to say with Addison. It wasn't that he didn't love her, because he still felt that he did. The problem was that he wasn't _in_ love with her.

"Addy...what are we doing?"

Addison stared at him, curious. "What are you talking about?Is something wrong?"

Closing his eyes, Derek sunk back into his chair. "I'm being serious...Are you happy?"

"Happy?...What?Derek, what's going on?I just asked you if you wanted to go to dinner...I wanted to spend some time with you.If you had a problem with-"

"Just answer the question.Are you?"

She was quiet a moment, contemplating her answer. Here he was, putting on a front. She felt him slowly slipping away from her, and she didn't want to see it happen.

"Truthfully Derek...I'm not.I'm...trying here."

The conversation was interrupted by her beeper going off. Sighing, Addison stood. "I should go..."

Stopping, she turned to face him sadly. "I'll see you at home."

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A short while later, Meredith stood at the nurses' station, flipping through a file. Someone tapped

on the counter behind her, hoping to catch her attention.

"Look, if you're going to go and tell me that I shouldn't be dati-"She turned around, face stunned.

"Meredith..."Addison said. "I'm in need of an intern.And well, everyone else is either in surgery or with a patient at the moment so-"

"I can't."Meredith said, cutting her off.Avoiding her gaze, she prayed she's go away. The last thing she need right now was being on any case with Addison.

Straightening herself, Addison arched an eyebrow. "Meredith."She said, this time a little louder.

Looking up at her, she set the file on the counter.

"I already asked Dr.Bailey, and she says that it would be fine."

Sighing, Meredith set the file down. Putting her pen back in its place, she walked around the counter.

Derek stood outside our Meredith's house later, hoping, praying, that she'd soon arrive.

Ignoring the rain that pelted against him, he stared at the glowing screen of his cell phone. He knew he should have gone with Addison. He knew he should be at home. But something kept drawing him back, kept him second guessing.

And yet he knew that it was no use. He had told Meredith it was done. And then he kissed her.

How did things get like this?He thought to himself, taking one last look at the time, before heading back to his car.

He went to drink. He went to forget. He wanted to forget. Joe's just seemed like the natural place to go.

It was the only place that reminded him of her. She was unescapeable. Everything seemed to go back to her, no matter where he went.

Derek's mind drifted to Addison. He slipped on his wedding ring whenever she was around, he always had it around him. It wasn't that he didn't love her, he knew that much. Because he did love her. But, he now knew that he wasn't _in _love with her.

That was when he heard her laughing. He saw them at the end of the bar. She was happy, she was laughing.

He saw Izzie point towards him. He saw Meredith look towards him. Within that moment, they locked eyes. Smiling sadly, Meredith blinked. That single moment felt like an eternity to her.Suddenly it didn't matter. Suddenly, it was better.

Derek's feet were glued to the floor. He knew he should leave. But he wanted to stay.

Meredith went back to her conversation with Cristina and Izzie, leaving him alone.

Turning towards the door, Derek left. He was out to his car before he heard her coming after him.

"Derek!Derek...Stop!"

Turning towards her, his face was emotionless. "Why are you out here?"

She shrugged, stopping feet away from him. "I...I don't know.I didn't...try to ignore you today."

"I know."

Meredith smiled sadly, trying to come up with something decent to say.

"Derek?"

His eyes lifted to hers at the mention of his name.

"Yesterday...In the lab...well,what was that?I mean-What do we do now?Because...One minute you say you hate me.The next you're kissing me and-"

"I don't know, Mer.You expect me to?"Derek asked.

"I was hoping you would, yes.Derek just...tell me something."

Derek stared at her, stared into her. Meredith stood before him, just as lost as he was. She was in need of answers, and he was full of questions. Each with their own faults, they were equally clueless.

Sighing, Meredith sunk her head in defeat. It was pointless. She loved him. She was tired of fighting it.

That was the scary thing. Knowing the truth, but wanting so much to pretend that she didn't.

"Meredith?"Derek said, his voice cracking.

Her eyes shifted back to his. "What?"

Opening his arms, he took her into them. It was only seconds before she burst into tears.

She wasn't sure why. She was lost. Lost to him, lost in him, lost to the world that now held her captive.

"We can't do this."She said, desperately trying to pull herself back to reality.

"Give me a reason not to...Well, other than that."He said, knowing what he answer would be.

She stared at him, hating him and loving him at the same time.

"Der..."

"Give me a reason, Mer.Give me a truthful reason as to why you're so afraid...and I'll walk away."

**A/N:The next chapter should be up tomorrow with any luck.I am so sorry for the delay ****with this one..I wanted everything right. The title for this chapter is Addicted. Because...well,****It's what I was feeling. That, and I'm listening to Kelly's 'Breakaway' cd...look at the lyrics ****some time (to "Addicted")...it's so them. Anyway, yeah...the next chapter could be angsty, ****just a warning. Anyway, thanks for everything...I was needing to write some MerDer stuff ****'cause like...Addek fics are overpowering.geesh...LOL...R&R**


	3. Breaking Point

**Thanks for the reviews...They mean alot.If any of you ever have any ideas, I'm more than open to hearing them.Now...on to the story.R&R, please...it's the thing that keeps us writers writing!**

Meredith stared back at him, mouth hanging open. He was giving her a chance. He was giving her an oppurtunity. Closing her eyes, she drew in a deep breath.

Had it been any other person, any other time, she'd have answers right away. But this was Derek.

Derek, the man who had hurt her. Derek, the man who had lied to her about being married. Derek, the man who, despite that tiny fact, still seemed to love her.

Clenching her fists, Meredith opened her eyes. "If you don't know why you should stay...then...maybe you should walk away."

Just the look in his eyes sent a pang of guilt through her.

"Mer..."

"No.Don't...Don't do that, okay?You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay again, Derek. Maybe I did avoid you today. So what? After what you did to me yesterday...you deserved it. I just...why?"

The question caught him off guard. "What?"

"Why did you do that, anyway?I mean...you're telling everyone every chance you get that you're very much happy with your marriage to Addison. And yet...I get to be the lucky one who gets stuck with you...the one who you _chose_ to kiss.Why, Derek?"

Derek stared back at her. Blinking, he wiped away the raindrops that still pelted his face. "I saw you.I saw you...and I remembered."

"Remebered?You remembered what, Derek?That suddenly, you love me again?That's too little too late, Derek..."Meredith said, attempting to head back towards Joe's.

He ran towards her, pulling at her arm. "Meredith, please...just let me finish."

Meredith looked back at him, studying his eyes. Letting go of her arm, he wiped away the hair that matted itself against her cheek.

"I can't tell you how horrible I feel about what I did to you...to you and Addison. Neither of you deserved what happened. And now...I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make that up.I'm sorry, Meredith."

Not knowing what to say, Meredith avoided his gaze. She could feel him staring into her. She wanted him to know that she didn't hate him, that she couldn't.

"Derek?"

Fumbling with the ends of her hair, she still refused to look at him. "What would have happened had you not gone to surgery?"

He was quiet. Stuffing his hand into his jacket pocket, he let out a puff of air. "I don't know."

She chose then to look back at him, and wasn't surprised to see the same light of need and confusion mirroring back to her.

"I do."

The two words hit him, nearly sliced through him. She _knew_. It wasn't that it wouldn't be obvious, and it probably could have happened. But the fact of the matter to him was that it didn't happen. Derek was still debating with himself as to wether he regretted that.

"Meredith...Noone knows what happens in the future. I love-"

"_Addison._"Meredith said, cutting him off.

"You love Addison, Derek. Go ahead and say it.Go ahead and break my heart just a smidgeon more, okay?Go right ahead...feel free to use me as your welcome mat...stomp me out. I'm okay with that now."Meredith said, her voice cracking.

Looking away from him, she was distracted by a passing car.

"But you know what hurts the most?"Meredith asked him, looking back into his eyes.

Derek looked back, somewhat fearing what she would say.

"I still love you."Meredith said, clapping her hand loudly against her leg. "It's crazy.It's..."Meredith stopped, ignoring the tears that now flooded her eyes. It may have stopped raining, but the tears formed a new path down her face.

"Meredith..."He said, trying to calm her. Putting an arm around her, Derek felt her shiver in the cold. "Come on...I'll go tell Izzie and Cristina. Let me take you home."

"No."Meredith protested. "I'm...I'm fine.Why wouldn't I be _fine_?"She asked, wiping furiously at her tears.

Derek sighed, frustrated. Meredith had to have been the most stubborn person.

''Meredith...you're wet...you're cold.Let me..."

She pushed him away. "Please...I can do this myself, Derek.I'm not that wet...and it'll be better once I'm back inside."She said, smiling sadly.

He stared back at her, just inches away. "I know it's not worth it to you...but I'm trying here.Are you sure?"

Meredith nodded back. "Yes.I'm sure.So I'll...see you tomorrow then?"

Nodding, Derek smiled one last time, knowing it was a lie. "Goodbye, Mer..."

She stood, watching him go back to his car. She wanted so much to go after him, but knew that it was for the best. Or so she thought.

Derek went to his car door, unlocking it. Taking one last look, he wasn't surprised to see her still standing there. Sighing, he nodded his head in her direction, and drive away.

Staring at his taillights, Meredith allowed a few silent tears to fall. Jumping, she felt someone touch her shoulder.

"Finn.What are you doing here?"

"Are you alright?"He asked, not wanting to pressure her.

Smiling with a tinge of sadness, she continued. ''I will be.I'm um...I'm gonna go back in and see Izzie and Cristina...I'll let them know that I'm leaving."

"You're leaving?I just got here...I drove by your house, but you weren't there so..."

The silence cloaked around them, neither willing to admit what had just happened. She had a feeling that Finn knew what had happened, but didn't want to say anything.

Breaking herself from her thoughts, Meredith suddenly felt tired. "Yeah...I've gotta get to work tomorrow.So, I'll see you around."

"Meredith, wait..."

Meredith stopped, turning around. "I could drive you home."

"No.I mean...Yes but..."Meredoth sighed, tired of fighting against herself. "Alright."

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Derek slammed his keys on the kitchen table, sitting down in a chair. He felt tired, he felt defeated.

It wasn't any use to fight anymore. Meredith insisted on doing things herself, refusing any help from him. That's what he hated the most.

Hearing the bedroom door open, he refused to look up. Talking to Addison wouldn't help the situation any.

"You're home."

Nodding, he still didn't look at her.

"Derek, you've got to talk to me.What's going on with you?"

Sitting across from him, Addison wondered what he was thinking. He couldn't even look at her, which had to mean something.

"Derek...Where were you?"

Tensing up, Derek knew she had to have known. Or atleast had a suspicion as to who he had been with. He still didn't feel like talking to her, but knew Addison well enough to know that she wouldn't leave well enough alone.

"Out."

"Out."Addison said, folding her arms. "Out where, Derek?Somewhere that I can't know about?Out somewhere that apparently gets you to bottle yourself up inside?"

Silence.

Sighing, Addison tilted her head back. She was fighting a losing battle. Standing up, Addison stood up, walking to the room.

"Where are you going?"

"Oh, so now you wanna talk to me?"Addison asked, walking towards him. Staring into his eyes, Addison wished she knew what was going on. Something or someone had put that look in his eyes. That look of sorrow, of hollowness and defeat. "What did Meredith do to you?"

The question caught him off guard. "What makes you think it was Meredith?Why can't we ever fight about something other than her?"

Addison, her face solemn, shook her head. It was useless. "I'm going to bed.Good Night, Derek."


	4. New beginnings

**I've been thinking about where I want to take this story.Thanks for all the reviews...summer's ****here, so I have more time to update now.R&R!**

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Meredith made her way downstairs, yawning. Stepping into the kitchen, she was met with a sight that wasn't too uncommon-Izzie was making breakfast.

"What are we eating today?"She asked, pouring herself a glass of juice.

"Pancakes...is George up yet?"Izzie asked, flipping a pancake in the pan.

"I don't know.When I walked by, his door was closed."

"Ohh..."Izzie said, not all that much surprised. "Callie probably stayed over then.Are you okay?"

Meredith seemed surprised by Izzie question, rubbing her eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Izzie smiled, going back to making pancakes. Before long, the doorbell rang. "Could you go get that, Mer?My hands are a little full."

She nodded, going to get the door. "Finn."She said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I just...I wanted to stop by.I mean...after everything that happened last night...I was worried."

"Worried?"Meredith asked, leaning against the door frame. "Why?"

Finn shrugged, sighing. While he had noticed she had yet to ask him in, he didn't want to ask why. "Meredith...you seemed off, you know?I mean...not like you."

"Like me?..."Meredith sighed, feeling guilty. She knew she was dragging him along and truthfully, did feel bad about it. He was a great guy, who just happened to come along at a bad time. "Listen, Finn...I'm sorry.About last night. About...everything."

"Everything?"He said, frowning. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not _saying_ anything. Right now I just..."Meredith let her sentence hang, unsure of what to say.

From the looks of things, Finn had come over for a reason. He cared about her, she knew that much.

"I understand.Will I see you tonight?"Finn asked, realizing that maybe he should get going.

"Maybe.Listen, Finn-"She said as he walked down the stairs. He stopped, turning around to face her.

"I'm not...you know, mad at you or anything. Thanks for um...for stopping by."

They said their goodbyes, and Finn left. Walking back into the kitchen, Meredith sunk into a chair.

"It's just not fair."

"What's not fair?"Izzie asked from her position in front of the stove.

"My life."Meredith said, reaching for a piece of chocolate from the bowl in the center of the table.

"Don't...eat that stuff before breakfast."Izzie warned as she placed a plate in front of Meredith. Staring at her, she wondered what could have made her so upset. Rather, she knew who, but wished she could understand why. Placing the piece of chocolate back, Meredith ate.

George, quickly followed by a tired acting Callie arrived in the kitchen slightly later.

" About time you guys woke up.Here, George...Callie, did you-"

They all gathered around the table, discussing the day. "So..."George said, as they all finished.

"Do you guys have any tylenol?"Callie asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah...in the bathroom cabinet, why?"Izzie asked, putting a piece of pancake in her mouth.

"I have a headache is all...could I-"

"Go right ahead..."Izzie said, watching her leave.

"You know, Iz...you could try being a little nice to her."George said, once Callie was out of earshot.

"Well she could, too.I'm sorry, George...I guess I could try."

The sound of a pager went off. "Great..."Meredith said, following the noise. "Hey guys..."She called from the living room. "Looks like we're getting called in a little early today...we have a 911."

------------------------------------

The OR was buzzing that morning, an apparent car crash brought in several victims that were in need of surgery. Meredith and Cristina were assigned to the surgery with Burke, Izzie and George were with Derek, and because the surgery was minor, only Alex went with Bailey.

Derek knew it was pretty much hopeless prior to starting the surgery, but continued ahead anyway.

The slightest glimpse of hope was worth going after. Halfway through the surgery, the patients pressure started dropping-fast.

"We're losing him."Izzie said, warning him.

"Come on, we need to do this...we can do this."Derek said, knowing he was saying it more to himself than to anyone else.

"He's flatlining, Dr.Shephard.We need-"

The room became frantic, deperately trying to save the man. But it was no use. It was if the man had just given up. Sighing, Derek stared at the clock. "Time of death...nine forty-two."

----------------------------------------

"Mrs.Porter?"Derek called from the doorway of the waiting room.

A dark haired woman looked up at him, face stained with tears. A gleam of hope, of something yet to come shined in her eyes. "Is he okay?...Is Kevin okay?"

Derek walked further into the room, his hands in his pockets. ''I'm sorry.There were...complications during the surgery.Kevin..."

"No.No..he...he can't be."

"I'm sorry m'am.You have to know that we did everything we possibly could.He had severe damage to the head and-"

"But you don't understand, Doctor.I just...Kevin was...is...my world.My kids...they're all grown.Neither of them live here in Seattle.Brad lives in Tacoma and Sarah well...she moved out to Texas a few months ago.She was so sure that everything would be...fine.Safe."She stared blankly ahead, trying to come to terms with what was happening.

Derek stood watching her. As bad as it sounded, he could somewhat relate. True-the person he loved-he could still see her. He could still talk to her. So maybe it wasn't the same. "Mrs.Porter, if there's anything we can do-"

"Yes.There...well..."She stopped, dabbing at her eyes with a kleenex.

"I need to go tell my children..."She said, standing up. "Do you have any kids, Doctor?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't."Derek said, wondering where the conversation was headed.

Mrs.Porter sighed, sobbing again. "I hope that you...that you-and anyone else,really...never have to...go through anything like this.I mean...Kevin...I...I love him.I have since the first minute I saw him...just that...that feeling, you know?"

Derek smiled, knowing full well what she meant.

"Well, anyway...I'm sure that you and your...team did the best that you could.I just...miss..."

"That's perfectly understandable.You know right now...you can use the hospital phone.Is there anyone we can call to give you a ride home?"

Mrs.Porter shook her head in the negative. "I'll just...call a cab.I..Do you guys have a...a chapel here?"

They said their goodbyes, and Mrs.Porter left. He felt bad for her, truly. But something she had said had sparked something within him. Something that had led him to a decision.

The other two surgeries had been successful, with one patient going to ICU, and the one that had actually caused the crash was placed in a regular room.

Cristina was writing something on a patients' chart, while walking down the hallway, when she ran into Meredith. "Fast morning, huh?"

"Yeah...what have you got?"Meredith asked, pointing to the chart.

"A patient for Dr.Shephard...does this hallway smell like..."

"Lemon."Meredith said, as they stood there. Pointing the the custodial cart, they saw the reason why. "I hate hospitals."She said, staring blankly ahead.

"You too, huh?"Cristina said, continuing to write something on her patients chart. "What about you?Wandering the halls?"

"My patient requested that I uh...leave the room while Dr.Bailey did an exam."

Cristina let out a puff of air, laughing sarcastically. "I gotta get this to the lab...I'll catch you later."

------------------------------

The rest of the day was somewhat slower, a few labs here or a set of stitches there. The rest of the day, the OR didn't seem to be that busy.

Alex, Meredith and George were standing by the stairs, waiting for Izzie. "She's wrapping something up for Dr.Burke..."Meredith said.

"So..._George._...''Alex said, grinning. "You and scrubs barbie goin' out tonight?"

"Alex-"Meredith said, jumping to George's defense. "Maybe we should try and give-"

"Give her a chance, come on.Look at who-"

"Hello...I'm standing right here."George said, waving his hands in the air. "And ya know Alex, I wouldn't really..."

"Could you two just stop battling around here?It's like watching a soap opera."Cristina said, walking up to them.

"Meredith?"Olivia said, walking up to them. In her hands, she held a vase full of flowers.

"Thanks."Meredith said, clearly confused. "Who are they from?"She asked, the question on everyone's mind.

"I don't know...they just came at the nurses' station...they look nice."Olivia said.

"Thanks for...for taking them over here."

"It's no problem..."She said before walking away.

"She's got a..."

"Alex, hush...who are they from?"Cristina asked, suddenly curious herself.

Opening the card envelope, she hid the card from everyone's view.

_Mer-_

_This may be too late...but consider it a peace offering. I don't want to fight with you. I never did.__We need to talk...about everything. Meet me at the park tonight, sometime around eight-thirty.I __realized something today...something you need to know._

_-Der_

She carefully placed the card back in the envelope, smelling the flowers. As if on cue, Derek came walking down the stairs, only this time he was accumpanied by Addison. They were seemingly having yet another disagreement, and while she wouldn't admit it, it made Meredith happy.

"Hi."Addison said to the group, smiling in Meredith's direction. "Nice flowers...who-"

"Finn."She lied, looking towards Derek, who simply smiled sadly. "They're from...Finn."

-------------------------

Derek came upon Meredith that night, sitting on a swing. He knew it was a corny place to meet her at, but to him it made sense. Staring at her, shoulders sunken, he felt guilty. He had been the one to put her in that position, and he knew it.

He stood watching her for a few minutes, before deciding to approach her. Sitting on the swing next to her, he waited for her to speak.

"Sprays of lavender in amidst Gardenias...they...they smell nice."

"They smell like you."He said, simply, tracing something in the sand with the toe of his shoe.

Meredith took a deep breath, her swing swaying a little bit. Turning towards him, she shrugged. "So-what's this new revelation you had today?"

"I lost my patient this morning, Meredith."

"I heard.But what does that-" Derek stopped her from speaking, clearing his throat.

"When I went to tell his wife...she started to tell me all of these things about him...about why it couldn't be true.And how she...hoped that noone would have to go through what she went through."

The wind picked up a little, rustling around with Meredith's hair. She stared out at the playground,which was now silent, dark. In the morning, children would once again crowd it, clamoring to the top,making it new again. It was somewhat relative to the way she felt. A neverending cycle of happiness coupled with sadness. She wished she could find a way to stop it.

"I...still love you."Derek said, staring directly at Meredith.

Her feet dug into the sand beneath the swings, her head sagging down, seemingly interested at the ant that was feebly making an attempt to carry a leaf that was atleast three times its own size.

"Mer-"

"I heard you."She said, firmly. It wasn't until then that he saw the tear that had somehow escaped her eye. It was too stubborn to fall any further, but too weak not to escape.

"We can't do this, Derek.We can't keep...doing this same...cycle of...life.We're both miserable, and Addison and Finn are stuck in the middle waiting to see-"

"We're getting divorced."

That seemed to shut Meredith up. Long enough for her to realize what he had said. "Derek-"

"That's what we were...discussing going down the stairs today.Don't blaim yourself, Mer.It's not you."

"How is it not me, Derek?I've been a thorn in yours and Addison's side since-"

"We...Addison and I...were over long before you.We were kidding ourselves if we waited any longer. It was bound to happen."Derek assured her.

She turned towards him, smiling weakly. ''So..where does that leave...us?"

Derek shrugged, letting out a sigh. "I was...kind of hoping you could tell me the answer to that."

---------------------------------------------

**I realize I kind of cut that off there...my apoligies for that.Maybe the idea of them meeting ****at the park was corny...but the way it worked out-I think it seems like a new beginning of ****sorts. I guess that makes sense...Click that little purple button and leave me a review if you'd ****like...Thank you!**


	5. Breathe

**A/N:Thanks for all the awesome reviews...they're what keep me going!**

Meredith stared back at Derek, not knowing what to say.

"Meredith?"Derek asked after a moment, realizing that she was stuck.

"Derek, I can't...I mean-"

Derek nodded, clasping his hands together. "Today...at the hospital when Addison asked who the flowers were from-Why did you lie?"

She glanced over at Derek, then back out at the playground. "I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't."

He knew she was right, even though what she was trying to avoid was happening anyway. He and Addison were getting divorced, and Meredith now knew that. That lifted a weight off of him, but seeing Meredith like she was, sorrowful, defeated-he had to admit that this wasn't what he expected.

"Finn."He said, suddenly, wincing as he said it.

"What about him?"Meredith asked.

"He's the reason why you won't give me a-"

''Give you a chance?"Meredith said, stopping the sawying of the swing. "Derek..."

"No...Meredith...I get it.You're...dedicated.So...what do we do now?"

She shrugged, looking away from him. She was afraid to see the disappointment and the sadness she knew she'd see in his eyes. She didn't want it this way. She didn't like feeling miserable. But at the moment, she didn't know what she wanted.

"I think it's pretty clear by now that we can't be just friends."

The words sunk into him like poison. They couldn't be _just_ friends. It hurt, but at the same time he knew that it was truth.

He looked up at the sky, the clouds moving just enough to see the moon. A pale glow cast itself across the park. "Meredith?"He said, more like a question that really saying her name.

She looked over at him, then looked away. She knew what he wanted. "I don't know what to say."

"I know I've said this before but-I'm sorry."

''For what?"She asked, suddenly feeling sorry. She hadn't seen him like this before. Derek seemed so quiet, so...vulnerable.

"I'm the one that put you in this position.I'm the one who kissed you-"

"Did you want to?"

Derek looked over at her, wondering what she meant. "Did I what?"

"Did you _want_ to kiss me?Or was it one of those 'caught up in the moment' things?"

He stared over at her, knowing that now wasn't the moment to lie. "To be honest-Yes."

Meredith instantly looked away from him, picking imaginary lint off of her sleeves.

"So..."She said, taking a deep breath. Meredith took a deep breath, knowing Derek wouldn't leave until he got an answer. "I...choose you."

It came from her, clearly surprising him. Had anyone else been around, had the trees stirred at that moment he probably wouldn't have heard it. Meredith _chose_ him.

''But I think that...this time around...we have to..."Meredith paused, fighting to swallow the lump in her throat. "Do things differently.There can't be...secrets.Lies. Derek-this doesn't mean free reign to flaunt the fact that you 'got' me.Okay?Because...seriously...I don't want to get hurt again.I...can't."

Derek nodded silently, knowing what this meant. "So what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know."Meredith moaned, knowing full well what he was asking. She knew she liked Finn, but she began to see now that she couldn't drag him on any longer. "Um..."She said, laughing.

"What?"

"Could you..."Meredith said, dabbing at her eyes with the edges of her jacket sleeve. "Well...I walked here and..."

"You want me to drive you home?"Derek asked, smiling. He had to admit that since things had settled between them, he felt more relaxed. To him, it just...well, felt right.

She climbed into his car and was quiet the entire ride home, a variety of thoughts running through her head. One, how she would explain things to Izzie and everyone else. She had just left, she hadn't given any 'real' reason, just that she needed to take a walk.

The other was how she would break things to Finn. Leaning her head against the window of the car, she laughed to herself. Finn. He'd only been a catalyst, hadn't he? Sure, he had plans- but she wasn't so sure about them. With Derek, she didn't know what to expect. And while it scared her at times, that was what she felt more comfortable with.

Meredith had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't realized they had arrived.

"Mer?"Derek asked, his hand accidentally brushing her leg as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

The brief contact brought her back to reality. "Hmm?"

"You gonna get out of the car?"

"Oh...yeah...I..."She stopped, the car door open. "Thanks for the ride. "

To her surprise, he got out of the car also. "What are you doing?"

Derek looked back at her, tilting his head towards the door.

"I should...go in.I'll...see you tomorrow?"

He nodded, pretending to not be disappointed. "Right.I'll see you tomorrow."

Brushing past him, she planted a kiss on his cheek. Running up the stairs to the door, she was greeted by Izzie. "I thought I heard someone out here...Dr.Shephard...hi."She said.

Casting a warning glance at Izzie, Meredith cleared her throat. "Thank you...for the ride home."

"Right.Goodnight..."He said, waving. "Night, Dr.Stevens..."And with that, Derek left.

Izzie shut the door with a questioning look at Meredith. "What was that?"

Meredith sighed, knowing that it was coming. Walking into the kitchen, she pulled the carton of ice cream from the freezer. "We needed to talk...that's all."

"That's all, huh?"Izzie asked, grabbing two bowls from the cabinet.

"Well...I don't know.All I know is that maybe...things'll work out."

Pulling two spoons from the drawer, Izzie nodded.

"Where's George?"

"He went out a few minutes after you did...him and Callie went out somewhere.Do you want the syrup?"Izzie asked, handing Meredith the bottle.

"Oh...atleast he's happy.Yeah.."Meredith asked, taking the chocolate syrup from her.

"Well..."Izzie said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what this 'thing' is...but...I haven't seen you this..happy...in a long time."

They walked into the living room, flipping on the television. Kicking off her shoes, she had to admit that this 'thing' _was_ making her happy. And for now, she made her mind up that she'd enjoy it while it lasted.

---------------------------

Derek made his way home, feeling somewhat happier than he had before.

On the way, things started crossing his mind-how much his life had changed since he left New York.

Everything had changed, true. But at the same time-he still felt that something wasn't quite right. Going inside his trailer, he was met by a blanketing silence. "Addison?"He called, taking off his coat.

"Addy-are you here?"

Going further back, he realized that a few of her things were missing from the bedroom. Walking to the kitchen, he poured himself something to drink. Closing the fridge, he saw her note. Pulling it off, he read it aloud:

"Derek, I've taken some of my things, so I won't be coming home tonight.I've checked in at a local hotel, so you don't need to worry. I think that this will be the best solution for all of us. I've contacted my lawyer, and he says he'll be able to see me tomorrow. Looks like you'll be getting what you wanted sooner than you think...Addison"

Derek placed the note on the counter, frowning. Staring across the trailer, he let out a sigh. She was really gone.

When he had brought up the issue of divorce to her, she didn't seem surprised. Rather, she seemed more relieved than anything.

He went to the room, ready to take a shower. While he hadn't realized it at that moment, he soon did-that night would be the first that he'd slept alone in the longest time. And while Derek would never admit it, he knew that it'd do him some good.

---------------------------

**So I know that's not the best chapter in the world, but I needed/wanted to get all of that out ****of the way. Some MerDer fluffiness should be coming soon, just so ya know...and I haven't ****quite decided yet if Addy's gonna 'leave' (by that I mean Seattle) 'cause it's been done so many ****times before. Anyway, thanks for reading!Reviews are nice,too...so if you have time-just click that ****little purple button. :)**


	6. Moving Foward

**So I had to include Addison in this chapter-because of the divorce thing...and there's some ****Burketina and LexZie (or whatever Alex and Izzie are)...along with MerDer. R&R!**

Derek thanked the nurse at the nurses' station as he arrived at work that day for letting him know.

Addison was looking for him, as to why he didn't know. She avoided him the night before-so why now?

"Dr.Shephard..."

He stopped in the hallway, hearing the familiar voice. "Cristina-"

"Have you seen Burke?I was hoping to-"

"Last time I saw him, he was in the on call room. Is something wrong?"

"No...Thanks."Cristina said, running off in that direction.

Derek shook his head, turning the other way. In doing so, he ran straight into-Addison.

"You didn't-"

"I know.Truthfully, it's not home anymore...I'm going to get the rest of my stuff today."She said, trying to get past him.

"Wait.It doesn't...It doesn't have to be this way.Okay?Can't we just...talk about this?"

"I'm done talking.I'm done trying to find a way around this...I thought this was what you wanted."

"It is, Addison. I just don't think we're going about it the right way. You can't just jump back on a plane to New York and act like Seattle never happened."Derek insisted.

Addison folded her arms, wondering where this was coming from. "What makes you so sure I'm going to New York?There are other hospitals in the state of Washington...ones that don't have stuck up future ex-husbands and cheating interns.Now-if you'll excuse me...I have to go talk to Richard."

Smiling sarcastically, she walked away.

A high-pitched whistle was heard from behind him. "Wow...she really likes you."

"Dr.Karev."Derek said, not at all surprised. "Don't you have patients to tend to."

"Not at the moment, no...Bailey hasn't given us assigments as of yet...she's in the locker room with Iz and Mer.Not that you'd...you know...care."Alex said, leaning against the wall.

"Well...find something to do."

"Why?'fraid I'll see you and satan arguing again?Look-to be honest...I could care less."He said, laughing.

"Really...well, find Bailey...or Burke.'Cause just standin' here makes it look like you're lookin' for trouble."

-------------------------------

Cristina opened the door to the on-call room, spotting Burke sitting on one of the beds. "Hey...you okay?"

He looked up at her as she shut the door. "Fine.Why?"

"I was...well...I know about your big surgery today.I was kind of hoping I could assist."

Burke nodded, staring at the floor. "Is that all that you came for?"

She fidgeted where she stood. "No.It's just...you left early this morning.Is something wrong?"

"Not in the least.I wanted to get here before Shephard...Addy's leaving, and he didn't know."

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "She's..leaving?"

Burke sighed. "As far as I know...she's transfering, I believe. Look-if you don't mind, I'd like to get some rest before the surgery..."

She smiled sheepishly, her hands resting on her knees. "Of course.Burke?"

He looked up at her, somewhat wishing she'd ask to stay.

Cristina sighed, unable to find the right words.

"Hey-Cristina..."

She turned around in the doorway.

"So you know...I had already requested you."

------------------------------------

Miranda Bailey leaned against the lockers, propping her foot up on the bench. "Look, all I'm sayin' Izzie...is that it can't be that bad.You know?Just take a few pills...you work in a hospital for god's sake... they're available everywhere you turn.I'll tell you what...I've give you half the morning off...if you promise that you won't be slackin' come rounds time."

Izzie nodded from her place on the bench. ''I won't, I promise...Thanks, Mir...Doctor Bailey."

She nodded, heading for the door. "But as for you, Doctor Grey...I expect to see you and the rest of my suck up interns working this morning.Burke's got a surgery at noon-and you're on it...so be sure to working."

With that, Miranda left.

Meredith sat next to Izzie on the bench. "Are you alright?I mean, really...this morning you just...didn't seem like you."

"I don't know, Mer...I've been feeling a little out of it lately.I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

Izzie nodded, trying to fight the queasiness she was feeling. "Seriously...I'm sure I'll feel better.It's probably all of that junk food from last night coming back to haunt me."She said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well...the ice cream was good."Meredith said, laughing with her.

The door to the locker room opened. "Hey, Meredith...Bailey just handed out assigments.Lucky us...we're stuck with sutures for the morning 'til Burke's surgery."

Nobody moved or said anything, causing him to sigh. "Look, I'm not the only one, okay?George is in on..."

Meredith sighed, hugging Izzie. "I'll check up on you later, okay?Try and get some rest."

"You okay?"Alex asked her after Meredith left.

Izzie shrugged, sighing. "I wish I could have an honest answer to that. Go ahead..."

"What?"He asked, sitting next to her.

"Laugh at me...tell me how it's not fair that you all are stuck doing sutures while I get the morning off-"

"You got the morning off?"Alex interrupted.

Izzie shrugged, leaning against him. "You have a problem with that?"

"Are you sick?"He asked, somewhat worried.

"Seriously?I don't know...I woke up this morning feeling groggy...I feel like I could puke any minute now."

Alex started to move away, smiling.

"Seriously...that's not funny."

He put his arm around her shoulder. "I've gotta get to work...you gonna be okay."

"Yep.I'll see you...later.Good luck..."

Alex laughed, standing up. "Right...See ya later, Iz."

----------------

Meredith made her way down the hallway, seemingly lost in thought. As if the situation with

Derek didn't wreck havoc on her mind enough, this new problem with Izzie worried her, too. Not paying attention to where she was going, she ran into-literally-Derek.

Picking his files off of the ground, he pretended not to notice her.

"Hi."She said, bending down to help him. "I am so...sorry."

"No...it's not your fault.It's mine...is everything okay?"

"Yeah.I'm...fine.Listen...thanks..for the ride home yesterday."Meredith said, standing back up.

Derek nodded, smirking.

"What?"

He shrugged, laughing. "It's nice...seeing you...happy."

Meredith raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"It's uh...I mean-nice to see you at all but-''

"Derek?"

He stopped talking, looking at her. Something about the look in her eyes-a look that mixed happiness with something new, something he wasn't used to seeing-it felt comforting.

"I Um...I have to go.Bailey has me doing sutures this morning and if she catches me talking in the hallway..."

"Right.Okay...hey, I was hoping..."Derek seemed a little off. A little nervous.

Meredith handed him back the files that had fallen. "You were hoping..."

Derek shook the thoughts from his head, bringing himself back to the current moment.

"Dinner...my place?"

"Hmm...sounds...nice?"Meredith said, smiling. ''Look-I have to..."

"Grey!I had Karev go and find you for a reason..."Miranda said, interrupting their conversation.

"I know.I was..."

"Heading there now?"She asked, urging Meredith to go.

"I'll...see you."Meredith said, walking away.

Miranda looked at him questioningly, as he watched Meredith walk away. "Shephard..."

"Addy's leaving.I know...before tomorrow the whole staff'll know.She went to talk to the chief earlier...my guess is she's planning on leaving."

"Leaving?She's the best OBGYN this state has...she can't just..."

"Apparently-"Derek said, cutting Miranda off. "She can...and you know what?I can't stop her. In fact- it's the best for all of us."With that, Derek walked off, leaving a shocked Miranda in the hallway.

-------------------

"Are you _sure_ this is what you want?"Richard asked Addison again.

"Yes.Derek and I were over before I even came here...I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my time spent here-I just can't..."

He nodded, understanding. "I'll contact a friend of mine...he works at the hospital in Tacoma.They have a place for you there.Are you sure this is what you want?"

Addison closed her eyes, nodding. "Yes.Thank you, Richard.I don't want you to think this is the end of our friendship...I just thought that it would be in the best interests of everyone involved if I...left Seattle Grace."

Richard nodded in agreement, knowing what he had to do.

-------------------------------

**Thanks to all of those who have read/reviewed...the next update should be up soon. ****Mer and Der's 'date' should be in that. Anyway, thanks for reading!**


	7. With You

**Thanks for the reviews.I haven't yet decided if this fic is winding down.It won't be just fluff from ****here on out, but that's some of it. Most of this chapter is gonna be the MerDer date. I do ****however have a scene or two within it. Someone asked what was up with Izzie and I'll get ****to that (Though I'm plotting another fic altogether for her). Anyways...**

**---------------------**

Meredith stared at herself in the mirror, smoothing her hair again.

"No-this isn't right."She muttered to herself.

"What isn't right?"Izzie asked, walking into Meredith's room. "Where are you going in that?"She asked.

Looking down at the dress she was wearing, Meredith sighed. "I don't know.I-Derek and I...well-"

"You're with McDreamy?"Izzie said, a little loudly.

"No.I'm not.Well...I am but..."She sighed, picking up another dress off of her bed.

"How many of those have you tried on?"

"Five."

"Five?Meredith-there's like seven here.You don't have anything?"Izzie asked, bowl of popcorn in hand.

"No."Meredith whined. "We're friends, you know?And I don't want to-"

"You're wearing something like _that_ to dinner with a friend?What about this one?"Izzie asked, holding up a simple, dark purple one. "It's not too short...not too long.Kind of low cut but-where's Derek taking you?"

Meredith blinked, sliding off the pair of black pumps she was wearing. "What makes you think it's him?"

"It's on-try this one on."Izzie said, ushering Meredith into the bathroom.

------------------------------------

She arrived at Derek's a little after seven. It was a little chilly, but she didn't think much of it.

"Hi."

"Hi."

She smiled nervousily.

"Would you like to come in?"He asked, the smell of tomatoes wafting out of the trailer.

"Yeah.That would be nice."

She surveyed the place, sighing. It felt right, she knew that much. But still in the back of her mind, she felt a tinge of guilt. When Derek slipped her coat off of her shoulders, any guilt seemed to disappear.

"So...spaghetti?''She asked.

"You don't like it?"

"Oh.No.That's not what I meant.Just-you cook."Meredith said, clearly nervous.

Laughing, Derek pulled out a chair for her. "There's a lot of things you don't know.So..."

Meredith stared down at her plate. "I'm sorry I'm late.I uh-couldn't decide what to wear."

"You look great,Mer."

She smiled as he poured her wine.

"I didn't know what to make.So I...you know...hope you like it."

------------------------

Izzie walked into the living room to see George on the couch. "You okay?"

"Yeah.I'm okay.You feeling better?"

She sat on th couch next to him, shrugging. "Kinda.Popcorn?"She said, the bowl still in her hand.

George grabbed a handful.

"Where's Callie?"Izzie asked.

"I don't know."

Izzie frowned, feeling almost bad for him. "Did you two argue or something?"

"Not exactly. I guess she just wanted a night to herself.Anyway-where's Meredith?"George asked, wanting to change the subject.

"She's out."

"With?"George asked. When no answer came, he sighed. "It's Derek, isn't it?"

"But you like Callie."

"It's not like that, Iz.I'm just trying to you know..."

Izzie laughed, nodding. "She can take care of herself.What's that?"She asked, pointing to something on a plate on the table.

"Oh, I made a melt for dinner.But I wasn't that hungry.Do you want it?"George asked, watching the expression on Izzie's face change. "Iz?"

Izzie shook her head. "That's food?"

George laughed, acting like he wasn't starting to worry about her. "Are you okay?"

---------------------

Neither of them said much, just staring. Eating. An occasional comment.

''How was the surgery?"Derek asked, wanting to lighten the mood.

"What?"

"The big surgery with Burke.How'd it go?"

"Oh."Meredith said, slightly distracted. "It took a while.But it was successful. There was a problem with bleeding but well..."Meredith trailed off, feeling that maybe for once they could talk about something other than work.

"Derek?"

He looked up at her, eyes full of concern.

"What-"She said, twirling noodles around on her fork. "What are we?"

Her eyes averted his, staring at the wall behind him.

"Well, Meredith-we're"Derek stopped, not knowing how to answer.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked a question like that I mean obviously there isn't a defined 'us' I just thought that maybe-"

She stopped speaking when Derek reached across the table, brushing an eyelash off of her cheek.

Closing her eyes, she felt happier than she had in a long time, but she had the nagging feeling-something she had to tell him. ''Derek-I love you."

"What?"Derek asked, surprised by it himself.

"I know it's crazy.I know I shouldn't.Atleast not yet.Or again. Anyway-if we're going to do this...us...dating. I just thought you should know.Because we have to be honest with each other. Brutally honest. Because- I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want you to be hurt, either.So...I love you.I've never stopped loving you.George...Finn...they were in desperation.Or anger.I mean-George is my friend.But Finn well..."

Meredith knew she was rambling, so she stopped, watching Derek grin at her. "What?"

"You."

"What?"Meredith asked, her mouth hanging open.

"You're...you."

Meredith laughed, taking another bite of her food. Swallowing it, she dabbed her mouth with a napkin.

"I guess that's supposed to be a compliment."She said.

He put his hand over hers. She froze, as if realizing the nature of the situation.

"Are you happy?"

The question seemed like a needed one to him. But to Meredith-she overthought things. She overthought, over analyzed. And when she was done doing that, she'd complain. Either that or drown herself in a bottle of tequila. Either way-staring into his eyes then, she could truthfully answer-truthfully.

"Yes."

Derek seemed content with her answer, going back to eating. They finished dinner, and he took the plates to the kitchen. When he came back, Meredith seemed quite. Not distant just-silenced.

"Is something wrong?"

"Oh.No.I'm just...worried about Izzie.''

He frowned, concerned. "Is she sick?''

Meredith shrugged. "I dunno.She was in the on-call room all morning...sleeping?I don't know."

"Okay.What about you?"

She looked up at him, not surprised to see an expectant look in his eyes. Her mouth hung open, and it didn't take her long to figure out that he was staring at it.

"I'm fine."

"Right."

"You don't believe me?"

"I do believe you.I'm sorry for the whole unromantic scene thing. I should have invited you to someplace outside.You know, a resteraunt.I was thinking about the new one that just opened-Gene's or something?"

Meredith laughed. "Derek?It's fine."

He nodded. "That's good.Oh-I have dessert.Do you want some?"

She watched him going to the kitchen, pulling something out of the fridge. "It depends of what it is."

"Well-I know it's not Izzie's famous one.Or the kind from the cafeteria-but it's cake."

"Cake?"

"Cake."He said, almost defensively.

"Mmm-Hmm."She said, nodding. "I guess I should try some then."

--------------------------------

"I'm okay."Izzie swore after George took his melt sandwich to the kitchen.

"You looked like you were going to puke.Over food."

She stared back at him, as if to shew away his worries. "George.It looked like-gunk.Something off the bottom of your shoe."

"It wasn't that threw a pillow in his direction. Her eyes met with a box on the table. "Wanna play?"

He picked the box of cards off the table. "Winner takes all?"

"Of what?"

-------------------------------

Meredith took the last bite of her cake. "It was good, Really.You made it?"

"I made it."

"When do you have time?"She asked.

"I have time.Believe me."He said, smiling.

"Seriously?"

"Yes.You got a little somethin'-"

"Where?"Meredith asked.

"Right there.By your mouth.It's chocolate.The icing-"

"Oh." Embarassed, she tried to get it.

"You didn't...it's still there.Here let me..."Without warning, he leaned over, kissing her.

Blink. Meredtith closed her eyes, recovering from the shock. She should have known it was coming.

"Is...Is it gone?"

----------------------------

**A/N:I know the ending was a little abrupt. I could have gone on forever. The original version ****of this chapter had Addison coming in, or watching then going away. But I needed a totally happy ****MerDer date moment. I know it's not the best (maybe it's good, I know it is...but I guess I'm my ****worst critic.)**

**The Izzie and George bits? I love them, okay:)...Anyway, Read and Review! You guys rock!**

**-Tiff**


	8. When you least expect it

**Thanks for the reviews!As I said before, this story isn't really wrapping up just yet. But ****it's not just fluff. In any case, all of my "real" friends officially think I'm obsessed-that I have ****no life. Well, anyway-I'll shut up and get on with the story, okay?-This past week without updating has been insane.So...without further interruptions...**

**------------------**

Meredith got up the next morning feeling somewhat more happier than before. Something about her had changed, and it was a little overly obvious that morning.

"Meredith?"

"Yeah?"She said, pouring a glass of juice.

"The humming...stop."

She turned towards Alex suspiciously. It wasn't until then did she realize he was there.

"Good date last night, I take it?"Izzie asked, smiling.

"It was...nice."

"How good was he?"Alex said, to which Izzie hit him. "Ow..that hurt."

"What are you doing here, anyway?"Meredith asked, taking out the box of fruit loops.

"Izzie wanted me to stay.That's...not a problem, is it?"

"No."She said, taking out the milk. "So, who all's doing post-op today?"

"What?"Izzie asked, distracted.

"On Burke's patient from yesterday...who do you think Bailey'll pick?"

"Not you if you keep dancing around like that."Alex said, laughing.

"You know...you could try being a little nice to me. This _is_ my house."

He pretended to look offended. "Oh...well I'm sorry."

They were all laughing when George walked in. "Hey..."He said, grabbing a bowl from the cabinet.

"You know you guys...I could have made something."

"We're out of fruit loops."George said, shaking the box with only a few pieces falling into his bowl.

"Sorry.Here-do you want the rest?"Meredith said, trying to hand him her bowl. He simply stared at her.

"You aren't...drunk...are you?"

The kitchen erupted in laughter, Izzie fighting back spewing milk everywhere. They finished what was left of breakfast and went off to the hospital, not sure of what to expect for that day.

--------------

Derek woke up that morning somewhat happy. The effects of the night before still dwelling on him, he was certain it was the first time in months that he'd woken up smiling.

Climbing out of bed, he contemplated taking a shower. He took a quick one and hurriedly got dressed.

Staring at the clock, he knew it was time to leave. The remnants of the night before were in the sink,he knew he should wash them. But he couldn't, so he left them sitting in the sink. Grabbing his keys off the table, he left. However, seeing how low his gas tank was, he decided he'd make a quick stop on the way to work.

-------------

Cristina met them at the hospital, looking tired. "Something wrong?"Izzie asked.

"Burke and I...talked."

"Oh."Alex said, getting the feeling that this wasn't something he should hear.

"He...well...he wants to know where we're going."

"And you don't know?"Meredith asked.

Cristina sighed. "I know.I mean-I think I do.It's...complicated."

Meredith laughed. "Tell me about it."

"What about you?How was your date with _McDreamy_ last night?"

Meredith smiled, shrugging. "It was nice."

"You know..."George said. "We should probably...get inside.Bailey would be on us if she found out we were out here..."

"Get a grip on it."Izzie said, not feeling like going in yet. She was still feeling sick, but until that point,she'd ignored any reasons why.

"You're still feeling sick, aren't you?-Iz...just ask Bailey for the day off."

"No."Izzie said to Meredith. "I'll be okay..."She said, standing. "Let's go inside."

-----------

"Okay, interns...nice to see you decided to make it in today...Stevens, I hope you're feeling better today."Miranda Bailey said, meeting the interns by the nurses' station. "Karev-I want you on Burke's patient from yesterday.The rest of you are lucky...there aren't many surgeries this morning. Grey and Yang...Pit. O'Malley-"

"Doctor Bailey-"Richard said, heading over to the group. "We need interns in the OR fast-"

"Ooh..exciting."Cristina said, thrilled that she wouldn't be stuck in the pit.

"What happened?"Miranda asked, concerned.

"There was a shooting not too far from here.The victims are en route to Seattle Grace as we speak."

"How many victims?"Miranda asked, suddenly feeling rushed.

"Two...as far as I know.We'll need them to scrub in immediately."Richard said, face solemn.

"I understand.Alright interns...change of plans.Karev-I still want you on Burke's patient.Make sure there aren't any compications.The rest of you..."She said, the sirens suddenly sounding.

"Come with me."

----------------

They were standing in the hallway, amidst the rush of doctors, prepping operating rooms, making sure that everything was clear.

"Nothin' like starting off the day with shooting victims."Cristina said sarcastically.

"Cristina...I realize how excited you are about this.Just try to stay focused on the fact that these are patients..not dummies you get to practice on."

They were standing out side, ready to assist the patients coming in. Burke had now joined them.

"Chief..."Miranda said as they were pulling the patients out of the ambulances. "You might want to...Oh, Preston you're here.That's good.Take this one into OR 2-"

''Where's the wound?"

"Bullet to the chest."The paramedic said, wheeling the man out.

"What about the other victim?"Cristina asked, eager to get into an OR.

"You...go with Burke.''Miranda said to her.

"Where's Doctor Shephard?He should have been here by now...My boss or not, I'd like to think..."

"Miranda..."Richard said, pointing to the other stretcher.

"No."

The sound came from a dumbfounded Meredith, who simply stood silent, shaking her head. "No...that's not...that can't be..."

"Stevens, get her out of here."Richard Webber said.

"But...you said..''Izzie began to protest.

"Get her out of here. O'Malley-you're in.And make sure Addison doesn't come anywhere near the OR."

------------------

Meredith sat in the waiting room, not really sure why she was there. She should be working, she knew that. She had done a few sutures, but after Doctor Bailey had checked in with Izzie, she said it would be best if she didn't work-she wouldn't be able to concentrate.

Izzie sat, several chairs away from her. The blaring of the tv seemed to drown out anything she was thinking at that moment, but that didn't take away from the sick feeling she was feeling.

Meredith had been so stupidly happy that morning...she'd actually hummed when she went into the kitchen. Alex had hollered at her for it, but Izzie found it quite funny. Atleast she was enjoying herself.

"He's going to be okay.He has to be."Meredith said, out of nowhere.

Izzie looked up at her, echoing the same kind of pain and confusion. "Doctor Shephard...Derek...he's got alot of people pulling for him. The Chief himself is actually supervising the surgery.They flew in some doctor from Mercy West...Meredith?"

She had that glazed over look on her face. She wanted to be in there, she wanted to be in the surgery.

But she knew Bailey would never agree to anything like that.

"We had dinner last night...he made cake.I was finally starting to think that maybe..."Meredith stopped,her voice cracking. "Maybe we were clicking again. Maybe...I'd be happy."

"You didn't tell Finn, did you?"

Izzie winced, knowing that was the wrong thing to say.

"I should tell him. I know that. But I just..."

"Meredith..."Izzie said, moving next to her. "It'll be fine."

"But what if it's not?What if the doctor can't fix whatever happened to Derek?This isn't just some crash or something, Iz.Someone shot him...I don't know why, but-"

Izzie sighed, pulling Meredith close. This wasn't the right time but then again, there was no right time. "You have to...stay strong."She said, suddenly not feeling so strong herself.

Meredith looked over at her. ''Easy for you to say...:"

"I wouldn't say that."Izzie said, sitting back in the chair.

"Why?"

The room fell quiet, the sound of the newcaster telling the weather being the only thing that filled the room.

"I think I'm pregnant."

"Are you sure?"Meredith asked, scared of the look on her face.

"Not perfect...but there's no other logical excuse.I've been feeling sick...foods that I'd normally eat I can barely look at.I can't sleep at night.I just...I'm sorry for telling you this right now.I know it doesn't help anything."

"No...Izzie...It's...You're worried, too."Meredith said, hoping to help her.

Izzie buried her head in her hands, sighing. "Life sucks, okay?"

"You got that right."Alex said from the doorway. The look in his eyes seemed softer this time.

"So you heard?"Meredith asked.

"Yeah...somethin' about Shephard bein' shot?Is he alright?"

Izzie cast Meredith a glance, to which she simply nodded.

"We...don't know yet.All we know is that there were two victims...both with gunshot wounds.I guess we'll have to wait until someone comes out..."

He sat in the chair next to Izzie. "Burke's patient...the one from yesterday...he's improving."

Izzie looked towards him, smiling. "That's...That's good."

Meredith stood up, clearly aggravated. "I'm sorry...I can't do this anymore.I have to go in there."

"You can't...just sit down."Izzie said, somewhat irritated.

"You okay?You seem a little edgy today."Alex asked, afraid to approach the subject.

"I'll be fine."

Meredith sat on a near-by table. Life just loved to get complicated, didn't it?

"Meredith?"

Turning towards the door, she saw the last person she wished to see at that moment-Addison.

She smiled sadly, gesturing towards the hallway. "Could I talk to you?I didn't want to interrupt.I just need to speak with you."

**---------------------**

**A/N:Okay...Don't kill me...please.I'll have another chapter up tomorrow..I swear (If not sooner).Until then..****R&R, please!**


	9. We're in love

**Author's note:I said I'd have a chapter up the other day...I'm so sorry but I've been having stormy weather and stuff and well...that's no excuse, is it?Anyway...Derek'll be fine.I swear.LOL...Anyway...enjoy!(Oh-and I borrowed the title from Jewel's "Again and Again")-for the chapter...**

-----------------

Meredith stared back at her, curious. "Okay."

Walking out into the hallway-she noticed how clearly shaken Addison was. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not."Addison said matter of factly. "But...I'm not the one who needs to be worried about.Listen-"She said, pulling something out of her pocket.

Placing the keys in Meredith's hand, she watched the expression on Meredith's face change. "Addison...why-"

"I was planning on giving them to Derek this morning.But..."Addison trailed off, smiling sadly. "You're the only other person I thought of.They're the keys to the trailer.Well-the other one's to his car.Just...keep them.You know, until Derek...leaves."

"Hey..he will get better.''

"He was shot, Meredith.You don't get over that easily."

"I know that.I saw him on the stretcher...his eyes opened a little but...look, maybe you should keep the keys.I don't-"

"You can keep them for now.Really."Addison assured, wrapping Meredith's fingers around the keychain.

Staring down at the cold metal onjects she now held in her hand, Meredith sighed. "I never meant for it to happen this way."

"No one did.But, I'm leaving in a few days once my replacement is settled in.I can't stay in Seattle anymore.He doesn't want me...and I can't keep lying to myself."

Meredith stared at the woman, seeing something kin to care actually shining in her eyes. "You wanna be in there, don't you?"Addison asked, jerking her head towards the direction of the OR.

"Bailey wouldn't let me.So...you're leaving?"

"Yeah.I'm going to Tacoma...Look-Meredith...I shouldn't be holding any grudges against you.I don't want to leave with you thinking that I do. Because...as much as I probably should-I don't hate you.I see it now."Addison said.

She wouldn't admit defeat. Because she was the one who was walking away. She was tired of fighting. Now-Addison was choosing to leave herself.

-----------------

(Derek's Dream)

_He was walking down the hospital hallway. Hearing the elevator doors opened, Derek smiled when he saw who was inside. _

_"Hey."_

_"Hey..."He said, smiling. "You free?"_

_"I've got a surgery in an hour.Until then-"Meredith said, stepping off of the elevator. He took her hand and pulling her closer to him. Suddenly, they were outside as it was raining._

_Instead of the regular pair of scrubs, Meredith wore a pair of jeans, along with a white baby doll tee. She smiled, staring up at the sky. "I like the rain."_

_"Do you?"He asked, holding her close to him._

_"We should go inside...come on..."He insisted, laughing._

_"It's beautiful, isn't it?"Meredith asked, cupping the side of his face. "I love you, Derek.No matter what happens...I'm right here."_

_He smiled, snaking an arm around her waist. "That's good to hear.I love you,too, Mer.And you know what?...It makes sense now."_

_"What makes sense?"_

_"The best things come to those who wait."Derek said, grinning. Kissing her, it began raining again. They were outside the trailer, just inches away from the steps._

_"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Meredith. And well-I'd like to do something about that."_

_Meredith could sense how serious the situation was getting, she tilted her head in the direction of the trailer. "Come on...it's wet.It's raining and that-"She said as thunder clapped. "Is a bad sign."_

_"Meredith."He said, firmly, catching her attention. Bending down, he held her hand. "I love you, Meredith.More than I ever dreamed I could. I know I've hurt you. I know you're scared...scarred,too. But I want to help.I want to be there for you. I'll understand if you want to take this slow. But I'm happy...happier than I've ever felt. Seeing you every day-it makes me love you even more. So I'm asking you-"_

_"Derek-"_

_"No...wait."His eyes pleaded with hers. "I need to say this.I fell in love with you.The minut I saw you-it was something in your eyes. We have a past...one that we'll never escape. I get that. But I want a future. And the way I see it-Meredith, you're my future."Derek said, squeezing her hand. "So...will you marry me?It doesn't have to be now.Just...will you?"_

(end dream)

---------------

Derek woke up sometime later, a throbbing pain in his head. Looking around, he saw the walls. It took him a minute to readjust to the light, but he saw Miranda Bailey staring down at him.

"Derek Shepherd...nice to see you back among the land of the living.Do you remember what happened?"

Closing his eyes, Derek sighed. "Other than the fact that my head hurts like hell?"He said, mumbling.

Miranda stared at the man, sighing. "Look-The police are here, Doctor Shepherd.They want to speak to you."

He furrowed his brow, wincing as he moved. "Why?"He said, it all suddenly coming back to him.

The gas station. The man running in after him. He was paying for gas and a bottle of water. The man behind him seemed impatient. He insisted on getting ahead of Derek. Instead, he began firing everywhere.

The last thing Derek remembered was the sound of sirens blaring, and someone who sounded very much like Meredith screaming 'No'.

--------------------

Meredith headed down the hallway, her intent on checking on the labs she had ordered and then to check on Derek. "Mer..."

Spinning around, she saw Izzie poking her head out of a doorway.

"Iz?...What are you-what's wrong?"

It wasn't until then did she see the tears delicately clinging to her friend's face. "Iz?"

She opened the door of the bathroom, pulling her in. "Bailey's gonna kill me...You're gonna hate me...Doctor...Doctor..."

"Hey...Izzie-calm."Meredith said, putting her hands on Izzie's shoulders. "What did you do?"

"I took a test."

"What?"

"I took a test...a patient was complaining of symptoms very similar to mine.We took tests...she's pregnant. So-she started freaking out...she urged for a double check."

"And?"Meredith asked, not quite following.

"I took the samples. But-I thought it's fine...noone'll ever know.''

"You took it yourself?Izzie-I've got to-"Meredith said, heading towardsthe bathroom door.

"It came out positive.What do I do, Meredith?I'm living with you-Alex and I really aren't that serious...George is focused on Callie...Bailey's watching my every move.Meredith-"

The look on Izzie's face scared her a bit, but Meredith knew her friend needed her. "Okay...calm...just breathe, okay?"

Izzie nodded. "Fine.Okay."She said, breathing deeply. Tears pelted her face, eye red. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Telling you.You've got Derek to worry about and-"

"It's fine.Iz-"Meredith hugged her friend, as if to anchor her. "Listen to me-you're going to get through this.Okay?You believe me?"

Izzie nodded. Wiping at her eyes, she laughed. "How am I supposed to tell him?"

-----------

Derek sighed, the policemen leaving his room. They had spent thirty minutes talking. They did more talking, everything seemed like a daze.

His eyes found her, standing in the doorway. Her face was etched, part worry part sadness. Had it been real? Had it really happened?

She walked in, sitting by his bed. Grabbing his hand, Meredith smiled, pleading the tears to stay back. "Hey."

"Hey."Derek said groggily.

It was different. Seeing him hooked up to all kinds of tubes, his eyes almost glazed over. A medicated look, indeed.

"Did you say yes?"

She looked at him, clearly confused. "Derek...did I say yes?What are you talking about?"

"You...You don't remember?"He said, smiling a little. ''It was raining...we were outside the trailer.I asked you if you'd be my wife.You said yes, right?"


	10. Comfort

**A/N:Thanks to all who reviewed...Derek's fine. But see-that scene with him and Mer in the rain ****as a dream (hence the italics saying 'Derek's dream'). But yeah-sometimes keeping a grip ****n reailty can be hard. (Not that Derek's losing it)**

**Anyway, yes-Izzie is pregnant. I struggled with that, not knowing if I should include it. Because I l****iked Dizzie-but I'm a Lexzie fan, too. So I guess it all works out. Anyway, this chapter is m****ostly MerDer. so...enjoy!**

**------------------------------**

"Derek I don't-what?"

He stared back at her, his eyes so sure. "You don't?You mean you're saying no?"

"No.Derek...what I'm saying is-you never asked me anything like that.Your divorce from Addison isn't even final yet.I mean-the papers are still being processed. You didn't...propose."

"Oh.I um..."Derek looked away from her, seemingly disappointed. "Sorry."

Meredith felt the cold metal objects in her pocket. Addison had given her her keys. She still wasn't sure if she was okay with that. "It's no problem.How are you feeling?"

"Like I got shot.How am I supposed to feel?"

"Derek-I wasn't...when I said I didn't-I didn't mean no.I just..."Meredith looked away, realizing how awkward the moment was.

"I understand.Shouldn't you be working?"

"I was assigned to you.Well, Bailey actually let me-Derek-Addison's leaving."

"I know."

"No.I mean really...leaving. As in Seattle Grace. As in the next few days."Meredith seemed upset.

Derek studied her, watching her expression change. "Mer-you're upset about that?"

"No, I'm not.But aren't you?Just the least little bit?"

"Do you want me to be?"He asked.

"That's not what I'm asking.I just-"Meredith stopped, sighing. "She left because of me.What am I supposed to say?"

"She didn't-Meredith...I already told you. Please-can we talk about something else.You're upset."

Meredith looked down at the floor, pretending that nothing was wrong. "I'm fine.You're the one who was shot.Please-just...take care of yourself."

"Isn't that your job?Shouldn't you be checking my vitals...making sure that everything's okay before Bailey sticks you on rectal exams for a week?"

That seemed to make her laugh a little. "I was worried about you.Okay?"

"That's allowed.Meredith?"Derek said her name softly, as if afraid of hurting her.

She looked up at him, eyes hopeful. She smiled a little.

"It's okay.To be scared, I mean.But...it's something else.Something is bothering you."

Meredith opened her mouth to speak when her pager went off. "I have to...to go.I'll be back later."

Derek lay, watching his nervous intern exit the room. He wasn't sure what had called her out of the room.

He wasn't even sure if he cared.

Sighing, he let his hands fall onto the bed. He had dreamed it. He had dreamed of proposing to her. He loved her that much to dream something like that?

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he knew he should sleep.He knew he should get all the rest he could.But he couldn't sleep. So, closing his eyes, he figured he'd atleast try.

-----------------------

Meredith rounded the corner, spotting Cristina on an abandoned gurney. "You paged me for this?"

She seemed a little disappointed, knowing full well she should be working. She's use Derek's labs as an excuse this time, but she knew she'd rather be in his room. But seeing the look in Cristina's eyes-Meredith thought that maybe this time she'd be better off if she stayed.

"Hey.You okay?"

"So you know...never approach Bailey when she's mad.Okay?"

Climbing onto the gurney next to her, Meredith laughed. "Believe me-I know.Why'd you page me?"

''Izzie.Have you heard?"

"She told you?"Meredith asked.

"She didn't have to.But yeah...look-I'm tired, okay?Burke and I were talking lastnight...Izzie's pregnant...my

boss-who just happens to be my friend's boyfriend is shot.What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know.They need a manual for days like this."Meredith said, resting her chin on her knee.

"Tell me about it.Where were you?"

"Derek's room.Bailey let me work on his case-I took his samples to the lab...so until then-"

"Here..."Cristina said, passing her friend a bag of doritos.

"Seriously?"

"Well, it's not tequila.So-it won't work for you.But yeah...stress food."Cristina said, eating one.

"We should probably-you know...find something to do."

"Like what?"Cristina asked. "I paged you because I figured you'd need a break.But if you want to go back-"

Meredith bit her lip. "It's complicated."

"Meredith Grey's life is complicated?...Who would have guessed?"

"No...Derek..he-he asked me...he asked me if I said yes."Meredith said.

Cristina, chip in mid air, sat with her mouth wide open. "He proposed?"

"No."

"What did you say?"

Meredith took a chip from the bag. "I just told him that...you know...he hadn't asked.Look-"

The talk was interrupted by their pagers beeping. "Oh, you're kidding-"Cristina said, sighing.

Hopping off of the gurney. Meredith brushed her scubs off. "We work in a hospital-get used to it."

Several hours later, Meredith walked out of the OR. "Tired?"Alex asked from behind her.

"Yeah.You were great in there you know-takes a big...well-it takes a person to stand up to Burke like that.

What you did..."

"Yeah, I get it.Do you know where Iz is at?"Alex asked, taking off his scrub cap.

"No."Meredith said, almost immediately. "I've um...I have to go check up on a patient."

She knew what she did probably tipped him off. He probably suspected that something was up. But right now, she needed to see Derek.

Standing in the doorway of his room, she felt herself smiling. Shutting the door, Meredith leaned against it.

He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. He didn't seem deep in thought, or mad. He was just-there.

The bandage that was wrapped around his head, as if shielding him. It held back his hair, but otherwise, no other sign was visible in his face.

The tubes that came from him were minimal, but they were still there. Sitting next to his bed, Meredith took his hand.

"I...I love you, you know."She said, knowing he couldn't hear her.

"And...had you asked-I would have said yes."She laughed, giving his hand a squeeze. "You're sleeping.You can't hear me. Maybe that's...that's why I'm telling you."

She was too busy, too lost in trying to find the right words to realize that he was starting to wake up.

"But I do love you, Derek. No matter how much I lie.No matter how much I...pretend. I can't do that anymore. You need me now and I have to be here. So here I am...I like you better when you're awake."

She felt a tear slide down her cheek. "Because atleast then you can stop me.Atleast then you can tell me what to do.Izzie's pregnant-you've been shot...my mother has Alzheimer's...I don't want pity.I just want...you."

Meredith said it simply, sounding more vulnerable than she ever had. She was tired. She didn't want to feel weak-she wasn't weak. But she felt like it.

Derek's hand reached up, wiping the tear that had fallen away. "Hey..."

She looked up at him, startled a little. "You're awake."

"Yeah.And for the record...just so you know-you have me."

Smiling, Meredith wiped her tears away. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough to know that you're still the woman I fell in love with before...everything.I love you, Mer."Derek said, his fingers lingering in her hair. "And nothing can change that."

---------------------------

**It seems short to me-shorter than the others atleast...but I needed to get a chapter out.I probably ****won't get a chapter up until tomorrow. And to those who read my 'Anatomy of the Heart' poems ****series-I'll probably have another one up sometime today-if not tomorrow.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	11. Distraction

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far.I am so sorry for the delay.I've been working on ****my GH fics rather than GA and well...anyway, I'm back now.I love this fic and...well, anyway- ****here ya go...enjoy!**

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A whole week had passed. Derek still remained in ths hospital, due to internal injuries but it was thought that he'd be released soon.

Meredith had kept up her appearance, visiting his room from time to time when she wasn't in surgery or when she sent something to the lab. It seemed like a normal routine. She didn't bring up his dream again, or that fact that Addison had given her her keys.

Addison was leaving Seattle Grace, as announced by the chief-in two weeks. Her replacement was a woman from a Florida hospital,who was supposed to be held in high regard there.

"I just don't get it, Mer."Izzie said, sitting next to her friend on the couch.

"What?"

Sighing, Izzie offered her friend a bowl of popcorn. It had been a long day at Seattle Grace, and the two just wanted to relax. "You know that case today?The woman with the tumor?"

"Yeah.What about her?"

"She just...something she said to me is all."Izzie said, staring at the tv.

"You didn't tell Alex yet, did you?"Meredith asked. "You know-at some point you have to."

"I don't know how."Izzie said. "I've thought about it, though.What about you?"

"What?"

"You and Derek-how is he, anyway?I still can't believe Bailey let you work on his case."

"He's..."Meredith said, shrugging. "Showing improvement.But that's not the point."

"It isn't."Izzie said, wrinkling her nose. "Oh shh...I like this part!"

"Wasn't Cristina supposed to be here?"George asked, walking into the room.

Meredith turned towards him, seeing the look on his face. "She's out tonight with Burke.Why?"

He shrugged, joining them on the couch. "Just curious is all.Callie and I uh...we broke up."

Izzie sat up, surprised. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously.It doesn't matter anymore..."He said, reaching for the popcorn.

Meredith and Izzie exchanged glances. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really.I just..."

"You broke up with her?"

"I said I didn't wanna talk about it. Why aren't you at the hospital?"George asked, directing the question to Meredith.

Meredith glanced over at him, sighing. "I really don't know.I thought that maybe I'd...ya know-"

"Get a night off?"Izzie asked sarcastically.

----------------------

Derek awoke again, staring around the room. He had another dream. It was crazy, really. He was an adult-He shouldn't be imagining things. But he was. It was different this time, though. It seemed more real.

Glancing at the chair that sat next to the bed, Derek almost expected to see Meredith sitting there. He wasn't sure if he was greatful or not that she wasn't.

He had made up his mind to fall back asleep when he heard a knock at the door.

Addison stood in the doorway, a sheepish smile on her face.

"Is it okay if I come in?"

Derek sighed, staring at the wall. "Why not?"

"How are you feeling?"She asked, standing at the foot of his bed.

"I've been better.Addison?"

"I'm here because...because I haven't talked to you.You know-since everything happened.And I just thought that maybe we could talk."She said, shrugging.

"Talk?What is there left to talk about?How are the papers coming along?''Derek asked, clearly not in the mood for any sort of argument.

Addison sighed, staring down at the floor. "I guess I deserved that.I just-"She stopped, closing her eyes.

"I'm tired of fighting with you, Addison.That's why we agreed to do this.I heard you were leaving."

"I am.Soon."She said, squaring her shoulders. She really wasn't sure why she'd come to his room. Maybe out of curiousity. Addison just wished that things could be easier.

Derek sighed, leaning his head back onto the pillow. He was tired. He needed something. Someone, rather.

It was obvious that that person wasn't Addison. "I should go.I just wanted to check on you.We may be getting divorced but-I still worry."

"So does Meredith, Doctor Bailey and everyone else in this hospital. I've had so many people step by my room in the past few days. I'll be okay, Addison."

She nodded, knowing it was her time to go.''Good bye, Derek."

---------------

Izzie, Meredith and George had relaxed into watching the movie when a knock came at the door.

"Isn't it a little late for a visit?"Izzie asked, fighting back a yawn.

Meredith got up to answer the door.

"Doctor Burke.Cristina...Hi."She said, smiling.

"Could we come in?"Preston asked.

"Sure."Meredith said, staring at the rain.

Cristina and Meredith exchanged a look. "I'm sorry.We were driving through and-"

"Cristina?It's fine."Meredith said, smiling.

"Doctor...Preston-"She said, correcting herself. "Can I get you two anything?"

"Uh-no, we're fine."Preston said.

Cristina nodded, walking closer to him.

"Oh...Hi, Cristina.Doctor Burke."Izzie said, on her way to the kitchen. The movie was over, and she had to check on a batch of brownies.

"Hello, Stevens."

George soon joined them in the kitchen. All seemed content for the time being, but for the most part, Meredith stayed in the background.

She heard the voices-heard the laughing. But something still seemed off with her. She was tired, she knew that much. Derek. His mind came into her mind, almost instictively. Was something wrong? Was he okay?

"Meredith?"

Preston's voice interrupted her thoughts, breaking through the fog.

Blinking, Meredith plastered on a smile. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?You're like dazing out or something."Cristina said, taking a bite out of a brownie.

"I...I have to go."

"Go.To where?"George asked.

Turning around facing them in the kitchen, Meredith sighed. "The hospital.I can't explain, just-"

Waving to them , she grabbed her keys and her shoes, heading to the hospital. Maybe nothing was wrong.

But she couldn't take the chance.

**---------------**

**I know there wasn't happening in this update.I just needed to get something out here. If possible,****tell me things to change. Maybe things you want to see happen-I'm not stuck or anything...and****there's some MerDer fluffiness coming...just curious. Just tell me stuff...the readers matter.**

**Review, please..Hope you liked it.**


	12. Connection

**Author's Note:First of all, I want to say that I am very sorry for this happening-I never intended to be gone this long. After a week or two of writer's block, my computer crashed. Well, I'm back now. And well, while I was scared this wouldn't turn out, I think it can now. This chapter picks up pace a little, moving perhaps a little quickly. So, hope you enjoy it-Read and Review, please!**

**-----------------------**

Meredith stood in his room, staring in puzzlement. He was sleeping. All the way there, her mind had been full of ideas-horrible ones that seeing Derek now, she couldn't even begin to think about.

Derek's eyes fluttered open, staring at her. "Meredith."He said, tired.

"I...I came."She said, smiling.

"You were worried about me?"

Meredith shrugged, pulling the sleeves of her jacket. "Maybe.I...Okay."She said, muffled.

Staring back at her, Derek could feel something changing. Before it was different. They weren't as happy. How that had suddenly changed, he'd never know. But what he did know was that how he felt for her wasn't going to go away. She seemed tired, he thought.

"Why are you so worried?I'm going to be okay, you know."Derek said, taking a deep breath.

Meredith nodded, feeling somewhat sacred herself. "I know.It's just I...had this feeling.I know, it sounds crazy.But-"

"Meredith?"He called her name, urging her to sit next to his bed. The hospital was buzzing still, even at that time at night. But in Derek's room, it seemed different-quiet.

"You were shot, Derek."She said again, her voice trembling a bit. "And I just...I was worried. But not because of what you think. It's just...We're finally getting to the point where we can talk.And you-you're you.You always have to say things...to feel things."Meredith stopped, not feeling like herself.

She swore that she wouldn't fall again, that loving Derek wouldn't cloud her decisions. It wasn't. However, looking at him in the hospital bed, she couldn't help but wonder how she had gotten there. She couldn't help but wonder why it was that she felt the way she did, a mix of happiness and yet at the same time fear.

---------------

Izzie was picking pillows up off of the couch when Meredith walked back in the door. "So you were at the hospital?"She asked, walking into the hallway.

Meredith nodded, brushing her hands through her hair. "Yeah.How are you feeling?"She asked.

"Fine."Izzie said, smiling. "I'm fine.I mean, starting to get the hang of things.I still haven't...told Alex, I mean. So how's Derek?"She asked as she and Meredith walked into the kitchen.

"He's fine.He was...fine."Meredith said, staring blankly ahead.

"Mer?"Izzie asked, putting the dishes away.

"Oh.Yeah.I'm okay, too.I just don't know.I'm gonna go sleep-I've got early rounds tomorrow...and Bailey's been on my case lately."

--------------

So Meredith went to work the next morning. And the next.And the next.And the next.the week seemed to float by with certainty. She visited Derek every day, in between patients and after work. Addison had transferred, so she had been working with the new doctor as well. Derek had been released the day before, and she hadn't heard from him since.

Outside his door, she wondered what he'd think. He was probably inside, resting. But the thoughts that cluttered her mind wouldn't let her leave well enough alone. Remembering the key that Addison had given her, Meredith knocked first. After waiting several minutes, she simply unlocked the door.

"Derek?"She called out, shutting the door behind her. Smiling, she instantly felt at home. While the trailer wasn't in complete disarray, it seemed comfortable enough to her.

He walked out of the back of the trailer, drying his hair with a towel. Stopping when he saw her, he fought to find the right words. "You..."

"Addison gave me her keys...before she left.I just thought...I knocked."

Derek felt a smile growing on his face, not moving from where he stood. "Good to know you haven't taken up lock picking."

The moment was quiet, one of understanding. She stood, staring back at him not knowing exactly what to say. "I did knock.So Derek?"

"Yes Meredith?"

"You aren't mad,are you?I mean, I thought-"

"It's fine."Derek insisted.

Meredith laughed at the quiet, wishing he'd say more. "Do you need anything?Izzie asked me to stop by the store to pick up some things.I could pick something up for you."

"You feel uncomfortable.Why?"Derek asked her, curious. He wanted to be sure that they were okay, that she wasn't there just because she felt sorry.

"Seriously?I'm fine.I'm more worried about you."

"This doesn't have to be awkward, you know."Derek said, walking towards her.

Meredith nodded, offering a muffled 'mmm hmm'. "I know.But everything that's happened-"

"So you have doubts?"Derek said, trying to read her.

"You know what?You're tired.You need your rest, so I'm just going to go.Um-call me later if you need anything."Meredith said, heading towards the door.

"Meredith?"He called her name, hoping she would stop. "What if I wanted you to stay?What if I like having company around, namely you?I just don't want this to feel awkward.I don't want pity, and I don't want you feeling like I've been a jerk to you without letting me apoligize.Which, by the way I have-many times.I thought we were past that."

She stood frozen by the door, her hand still clutching the doorknob. Her eyes fixated on his, still in shock of what he had said. She knew he was tired and knew the risks of staying for too long because while he was mostly healed, he still needed to recuperate.

"We are past that.I just wanted to come by and check on you.With everything that's going on now-I can't just...I can't."

"You what?"

Meredith could barely believe the words that were coming out of her mouth, either. Biting her tongue, she fully regretted ever saying them. "I didn't mean it like that, Derek.I love you.And that is something that's hard to admit to someone...atleast it is for me.Maybe I am afraid...Because every time we start getting close again..every time I'm starting to trust-something happens.And I just..."She paused, staring at him. "I don't know what to do."

Derek nodded, finally understanding. He pulled her close, holding her. "Meredith-I'm okay.I know you were scared.I know you were worried.But I'm fine now.I'll be back at work in a week or two...depending on the wise advice of the Chief.We-"He said, pulling back. Staring at her, he moved the hair out of her face. "We're going to be okay."

It seemed to make sense now, atleast it felt like it to Meredith. She wanted to believe, she wanted to help him and now she was starting to feel as if she could."Okay."She stated simply, drawing a deep breath. "But really-if Izzie finds out i'm not at the store buying things,she'll send out a search party."

He couldn't help but smile, knowing that she felt relaxed. "And I need rest...doctor's orders.Are you coming by tomorrow?"

"Sure.Derek?"Meredith said, as if asking for reassurance.

"Mer?"

She smiled, missing the moments that they used to have. "Just...thank you."

Leaning in, he kissed her softly. "You're welcome."

------------------------------------------------

**I don't really know if I like this chapter or not.I mean, I love MerDer fluff...and I had an idea in mind for this chapter but I wasn't sure how it would play out. That, coupled with simple reviews (which believe me are great, but sometimes us writers crave for which details and such)...Anyway, I guess I was afraid that noone would read because I've been gone for so long. This fic, as you can probably tell, is winding down within the next few chapters.I don't know why, but for me angst is actually easier to write but this-I think it turned out well.Maybe a little OOCness, but not much.Anyway, if you could-click that precious adorable purple button, and leave me a review.**

**-Thanks for reading!**


	13. Girls night in

**Author's Note:Okay, so this isn't really an update technically-but first things first:The new season of Grey's rocks.Well, so far. I can't believe I let it go on this long without updating.But the truth is, is i'm at a loss here. I think what happened is that originally, this was planned to be a mostly angst-like fic.Which worked, of course for a while. I still want to write but here's the thing-and don't ask me why-But I don't know what to do. What with everything going on in the show, in contrast with everything that's happening in this fic-I'm just not sure.So, I'm asking you. What kind of things do you wanna see happen?**

**I will say this-I planned on Iz telling Alex before the end of the fic-or maybe letting someone like Cristina just let it spill out. I'm not sure. And as for the whole Mer/Der relationship-what do you want there?Are they moving too slow (I'll go ahead now and say i'm a fan of slow burn/slow build)...Too fast?What do you think?...I have an idea for another fic, but I swore to myself that I wouldn't start it until this one was done.So-let me know.Please, and Thank You. **

**And, as always-Thank you all for reading, and for sticking with this story through what at times, can be somewhat longer waiting times between updates. However, with the holidays coming, I should be able to get more chapters out. Thanks for reading-hope I don't disappoint. Oh, and I do have a little something-it's not much, but I guess it'll do...**

**-----------------------------**

Meredith returned home later with three grocery sacks full to the top and George, seeing her arrive, came out to help her. "So you were gone for a while."He said.

She turned her head towards him pretending to look surprised. "I was?...I didn't notice."

George shook his head as he climbed up the steps. "Iz has been going crazy for the last half hour-she tried to make cookies, but apparently didn't have a crucial ingredient."

Just then Izzie came in the room. "Chocolate chips."She said, grabbing the chocolate chips from the brown paper bag. "Thanks...you can bring the rest of the stuff in here."

They all went into the kitchen and quickly put everything away. George decided to go into the living room to watch television, which left Meredith and Izzie to talk in the kitchen.

"So...dish."Izzie said, dumping the ingredients into a bowl.

"Dish?On what?"

Izzie laughed, wiping some of the contents that had splattered in the counter. "Come on, Meredith.It doesn't take you this long to go get groceries."

Meredith sat on a stool across from Izzie, staring at the spoon she was using. "I needed to see him. Is that so bad?"

"No."Izzie said. "Of course there are those cases when you just feel like avoiding him so much...but you can't. Because you work with him. Because you can't avoid him or get him out of your mind no matter what you do. Because you can't keep making excuses as to why you can't go out with him to the bar.Pretending to be sick isn't going to work forever being as you have to actually work with him."

"Iz-"Meredith said, reaching her hand out to slow Izzie's stirring. "Calm down. You'll find a way to tell him.Or...something."

"Oh, that's really assuring."

"Seriously?...Have you been hanging around Cristina?"Meredith said, helping her form the cookies on the cookie sheet."Look-all I'm saying is that once you tell him, it won't be that big of a deal.I mean, it will be. But this feeling that you're feeling right now...so lost and confused-that'll go away."

Izzie stopped for a minute, staring straight ahead of her. "He's Alex, Meredith. You honestly think he'll understand?"

Meredith continued putting cookie dough onto the pan. "I don't know."

"See, that's what I mean."Izzie said, putting the cookies into the oven. "What was it like for you?"

"What?"

"I mean-when you told Derek you loved him.What was it like for you?"

Meredith bit her lip, focusing on that moment. ''I just knew it was time. It wasn't some big special moment or anything but he...Derek-he makes me feel happy. I felt happy then which was...?"

"Strange?"

"That's not funny."Meredith said, watching Izzie laugh. Truth be told, she hadn't felt that relaxed in a long time.

"So how is McDreamy, anyway?"Izzie asked, wiping off the kitchen counter.

"He's doing better. I'm going to see him tomorrow again but...He's doing better."

"So work...How's that gonna be?"

Meredith grabbed a handful of Chocolate chips from what was left of the bag. "Like how?...Like rumors or like working with him again?"

Izzie grabbed some chocolate chips as well. "Both I guess."

"So far it hasn't been bad. But once Derek comes back fully...there'll be surgeries...and cases.And-"

"On-call rooms?"

"Izzie!"

Izzie laughed, turning her cheeks a shade of pink. "Sorry."She said, a mouthful of chocolate.

The conversation was interrupted by the phone ringing. "Hello?"Meredith answered.

"Yeah, Mer...it's Cristina. Burke and I...well, we kinda had a fight.So um...basically,I don't wanna get into it. But can I stay at your house tonight?It's nothing personal...I don't need to like...cry or anything. Can I just-"

"Sure.Is everything okay?"Meredith asked.

A sigh was heard on Cristina's end. ''I'll be fine.Really.So can I stay?"

"Of course.I guess i'll see you in a little while."Meredith said, hanging up.

"What was that about?"Izzie asked.

"Cristina and Burke...an argument?...I dunno.She wants to stay here tonight."

"Oh."Izzie said, taking a sip of water.

Just then, Cristina's voice was heard from the hall. "Cristina?"

"Yeah-George let me in."She said, setting her bag on the floor.

"Wait.So you were already here?"Izzie asked.

"Yeah.I just-I made the call from the driveway.Mmmm-"She said, trying to draw the attention away from her. "Izzie's famous cookies?"

"Only the best..."Izzie said. "And they're almost done."

The girls went into the kitchen, and Izzie took the cookies out of the oven, setting them on the cooling rack.

"So do you wanna talk about it?"Izzie asked after a few minutes of silence.

"It's nothing.Seriously."Cristina replied. "Where's the tequila?"

Meredith winced. "Um...I didn't buy any.We're out."

"Seriously?...I miss the dark, depressed Meredith.You being all happy with McDreamy decreases the chance of my getting drunk.I'll be back."

"Wait."Izzie said, handing her a cookie on a plate. "Try this."

"Um..okay."Cristina said.

The girls ate a few cookies in silence before anyone dared to speak.

"So...McDreamy?"Cristina said, pouring a glass of milk.

"Mmm..."Meredith said, resting her chin in her hands. "He's okay.I'm okay.We're...okay."

"Mmm-hmm.And how's Evil Spawn taking to being a daddy?...Is he you know-happy?Like everyone else in this place..."

"He doesn't know.Are you going to tell us what happened in this fight with Burke?"

"Oh, he wants to get married.Well, not yet.But he wants to know where we're headed.He wants to buy me things.Seriously?Do I look like the kind of girl who wants to get all prettied up with necklaces and dresses and...rings?I love him.I do.The fight wasn't even about that, you know.It was just...everything."Cristina said, staring at the wall. She looked across the counter to Meredith. "What would you do?"

"What?"

Cristina laughed, almost delirious.

"Um...Cristina?"Izzie called her name, almost afraid of what would happen.

"No...No.It's just-"

"Men."Meredith said, shrugging. "We'll never be able to escape them.They're just...there.''

Izzie nodded in agreement. Seeing that the rack was still full, she nudged it towards them. "Cookie?"

* * *

**I know there was no MerDer in this chapter, but I really wanted something where the girls were just themselves. Is that okay? Burktina is okay, I swear...but everyone has issues, right?I'm still not sure about LexZie, but like I said before, if you guys have any ideas-tell Me!...lol...R&R, please...**


	14. Coming Clean

**Author's Note: Okay...so here's the thing. Originally, I planned on making this chapter the end. Seriously. I was prepared, but wasn't sure about it. Anyway, I scrapped that idea. Here's the truth-Mer and Der are getting together. They _are_ together, but due to what happened (the shooting and such), they sort of separated for a while, not literally, but they were distanced. And that makes me sad, because I never really intended for that to happen, so I think that maybe that's one of the reasons why this fic has been so slow in updating. I didn't wanna screw it up more than I already had. Anyway, all of that aside, this week's eppy is the last until January-I can't believe it. Two of my shows (Lost and Grey's)-no new shows until next year. What's a girl to do? Write, of course...**

* * *

Meredith awoke the next morning feeling somewhat more relieved. The night before, she, Cristina and Izzie had stayed up later than they had planned, and somewhere along the way, Cristina had managed to find the tequila, of which Meredith and she drank. Izzie, however, couldn't. 

She remembered something about Derek coming over, and feeling a storng arm holding her close, a smile spread across her face. Turning to face him, she sighed, watching him watch her. "Hi."

He smiled, resting his hand on the side of her face. "Hi."

Meredith tried to find words, but for once, she couldn't find any. She was happy-rediculously happy.

Derek laughed, grinning.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Staring at him, Meredith sighed. "Really?...You come over to my house at-what time did you come over?"Meredith asked trying to refresh her memory.

"Does it really matter?"

"No."

"Exactly. So-Breakfast?"Derek asked, knowing they both had off, but chances were that they could be called in.

Meredith contemplated answering the question before simply kissing him. It was soft, just to simply convey the fact that she did indeed kiss him.

"So...can I take that as a yes?"Derek asked.

"Sure. However you want. Unless of course, you wanna take it negatively. Because then-well, that wouldn't make me happy. I like being happy."

"And I-"Derek said, trying his best to keep a serious face. "Like it when you're happy."

"Do you?"Meredith replied. "Then maybe..we should think about that breakfast. You sure we have time?"

Derek nodded, kissing her forehead. "Mmm-"

"Was that a good 'mmm'?"Meredith asked. Decding to forget her question, Meredith sighed , content.

"So..."Derek said, his arms around her. "Breakfast?"

* * *

When Derek and Meredith managed to find their way down to the kitchen, Izzie was already hard at work on Pancakes. Putting a plate in front of George who was already sitting, she smiled. "Good Morning." 

"Morning."Derek said. "I was actually planning on-"

"Making breakfast-really?..."Izzie said, handing George a glass of orange juice. "Well, that's fine. I can-I mean, I did."

"She got up at four this morning."George said, shoving a piece of syrupy pancake in his mouth.

"You got up at four? Iz, what's wrong?"Meredith asked, sensing something was up.

Izzie shrugged, handing Derek a plate. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong."

Meredith nodded, watching her friend put two of the pancakes onto a plate. Grabbing the syrup, she thanked her.

"I'm just-I'm gonna tell him."

"You're gonna tell Alex?"Cristina said, walking into the kitchen.

"Yeah. It won't be that bad, really. I'm waiting. Until tonight, I mean. But if I wait any longer, it's just gonna eat me up, ya know? Here-sit...eat."She said, trying to hand Cristina some food.

"No. Thanks...really. But I can't."

"Can't?"Derek said. "Can't or won't?"

Cristina sighed, slapping her keys on her leg. "Both? I can't because I have work. And-"She said, turning towards Meredith. "And McDreamy's at our table-Izzie's gonna tell Alex. So um...bye?"

"She's talkative" Derek said after she left.

"You should see what she's like after nights she doesn't have alcohol."George said, putting his plate in the sink. "So yeah-I should go. You need a ride, Iz?"

Izzie washed her hands in the sink before looking at him. "Yep. I'll be right there, I just gotta get my jacket. So...Bye guys?"

Derek nodded, walking up and squeesing Meredith's shoulder. "Yep."

Izzie laughed, pulling her bag off of a dining room chair and walking towards the door. "Have fun-_behave_."

* * *

"So, where exactly are we going?"Meredith asked after she and Derek had been in the car for a while. 

He smiled, flashing a grin in her direction. "Well, I can tell you one thing. Today-we're hospital free. For now. For as long as we can be. Sound like a deal?"

Meredith nodded, grabbing his free hand and lacing her fingers through his. She thought about it-spending the entire day, or as much of it as they could together. How much it made her happy, how much she had missed the time they could spend. Over the past several months, so much had changed. The shooting made her realize how much Derek had meant, and still meant to her. She didn't want things to change.

"Hey, Mer..you okay?"

"Hmm?"She said, turning her head towards him. "I'm fine. I'm happy."

"That's good. So I'm thinking we can ride the ferryboats in the morning, and maybe we can grab an early lunch? You know, I still don't understand why we had to get up so early even though-somehow-we miraculously got the day off."

Meredith nodded, understanding what he meant. "I know. I really do. But Izzie made pancakes. Do you realize what a feat it is for her to make a big breakfast like that on a day that she's going in early? It's big. It's-"

"She is telling Karev about the baby today, right? Maybe that's why. But I can't complain."Derek said, shrugging. "Free food."

"True."Meredith said, allowing them to sit in silence for a few minutes before she said anything else. "Derek?"

"Yes?"He said, stopping at the stop light.

She shrugged, losing her train of thought. The truth was, she wanted to say something-she needed to tell him something, but felt so scared of his reaction. Sure, it was likely that he'd be happy-he probably even felt the same way. It was the getting the words out that was the problem.

* * *

Izzie rounded the corner, staring at a chart. Not paying any attention, she ran straight into someone-someone tall. Someone muscular. Someone who looked alot like Alex. 

"Hey."

She smiled, trying her best to hide the fact that she was nervous. "Hi."

"So uh...any "interesting" cases today? I'm with Burke, so now I guess Yang hates me. Is something going on?"

"I'm fine."She replied instantly, almost too cheerful.

Alex stared back at her, curious. "I meant with Cristina and Burke but...Why am I talking about this?"He said, right before Izzie's pager went off.

"Ooh-gotta go. Duty calls."She said, running back in the direction that she came, leaving Alex with nothing to do but watch her walk away.

* * *

Derek watched her, watched the way she walked next to him, staring out at the water. He liked to think that he knew her. He liked to think that he could tell if something was bothering her. Either he was wrong and couldn't read Meredith, or something was up. "You okay?" 

She turned towards him, smiling. "Yeah, of course. Why?"

He shrugged, standing next to her. "Oh, nothing. But you're quiet. This is the quietest I've seen you all day."

"Seriously. If something was bothering me-i'd tell you."

Derek studied her eyes, watching her reaction to him. He loved her-so much that it seemed in that moment, the few people that were on the ferryboat beside them were distant, sinking ships. But Meredith-Meredith was there. "Meredith-"

"I just-I'm worried,okay?"

Derek frowned. "Worried?"

"Yeah, worried. I just-I've been thinking. About everything that's been happening and-"

Derek felt himself sink, his hopes slowly drifting away with the waves.

"That's not what I meant. I just meant that, after everything that's happened-between the stuff at work to the stuff that's going on with Izzie and Cristina and-I just don't want to have doubts. I don't have doubts. So I just...do you?''Meredith said, silently biting her tongue until she could taste the blood. That wasn't entirely the way she wanted to begin the conversation.

"Meredith-I don't have doubts. I love you."

She felt a warm smile creep across her face. "Okay. Good. That's-That's good."

Derek smiled, wrapping his arms around her, not caring if anyone was watching. "Is it?"

Meredith took the moment, finding herself lost in his deep blue eyes, to remember everything she felt, hoping she could for once be able to use her words. "Yeah. Because Derek-I love you, too. I really do. Seriously. I-"She scrunched her nose, thinking how much she sounded like a highschooler.

Derek simply laughed, flashing his dimples at her. "Seriously, huh?"

She kissed him, then leaned her forehead against his. "Seriously."

Maybe, she thought, Maybe 'Seriously' can work. For now.

* * *

The day had passed as smoothly as one would hope. While Derek and Meredith were off having their own little celebrations for the day, the other doctors bustled around the hospital-some even getting to scrub in, of course. However, Izzie found herself somewhat distracted. It seemed she was running into Alex more than usual and yet-somehow, every time she'd managed to find out a way to get away from him. Until the end of the day. As usual, Miranda Bailey's interns made an attempt to walk out together. But on this particular night, Izzie chose to lag behind. 

"Hey, Iz-"Alex said, walking back to her. "You alright?"

She wiped a tear from her lid, hoping Alex wouldn't see. "Yeah. Just go right ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

"Izzie-"Alex said, looking ahead at Cristina and George, signaling that it was fine for them to go ahead. "What's going on? First it seems like you're avoiding me in the hallways and now...now you're fine? I mean, come on, you don't actually expect me to believe it, do you?"He said, shrugging.

Turning towards him, Izzie drew a deep breath. "No. Well, not exactly. You're the type that looks for an explanation."

"Right.So...?"

"Today was the day..."Izzie muttered, shaking her head.

"What?"Alex said, furrowing his brow. "I've been stuck in gynie all day, you're gonna have to be a bit clearer than that."

Laughing, Izzie started walking. "We should probably go-Cristina is staying with us tonight and George...well, George won't wait forever, either."

He stared back at her, knowing full well that something was going on. "I can drive you home. I know i'm not Bambi or Mer or nothing but-"

"I know. I can talk to you."Izzie said, gesturing to a bench.

Sitting down next to her, Alex curiously studied her face. He had never seen her look so scared and fragile, and while he wouldn't tell her-it scared him.

"Alex...I do need to tell you something. But I don't know how."She said, staring up at the gray Seattle sky. "It's...It's complicated."

"What isn't complicated these days, Iz?"

Izzie nodded. "I'm an intern. I-I can't afford to miss a few weeks, or even a few months. I just...can't."

Alex frowned, but let her continue.

"Alex...I'm-"Izzie stopped, praying that she could find the right words. "I'm not asking you to be here, or to even care. But you need to know. I-I'm pregnant."

The words hit his ears, but took somewhat longer to process them. Izzie was having a baby. Sure, he knew that there was a risk, but to know that what was happening was truly real, and because of him, scared him a little. "You're sure?"

She nodded. "I am. I just don't know what to do now. It probably doesn't make sense but-I mean the last time this happened..."

"You...you mean you've been-"

Realizing what she had said to him, Izzie felt the world surround her. She hadn't told Meredith or Alex or anyone about the child she had when she was sixteen, and it was hard enough to carry the burden around every day let alone realize that she now had to tell him because if she didn't it'd make him wonder.

Seeing the state Izzie was in, how obviously scared she was, how tired she was, he decided to give it up for the night. "You know what-you don't wanna tell me right now, that's fine. But Izzie? You're gonna be a great mom."

Laughing, Izzie forced a smile. "You don't know that."

"No, you know what? I do. The way you stand up for your friends, the way you take care of patients-you got a heck of alot more patience than I do."

"I guess you're right."

Alex nodded, his arm around her. "Yeah. And you know what else? If there's...If there's anything you need-you know, chocolate, meds...and I can't believe i'm saying this but if you are feelin' sick or somethin and you need someone to cover the rest of your shift, I'll do it. You know, saying it's not the entire day or anything."

Izzie laughed again, staring at him. Their eyes connected and for a minute, Izzie felt that things could end okay. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"You mean you..actually wanna be a part of this?"

Tilting is head to the side, Alex drew a deep breath. "Look, I know I can be a jerk sometimes. But this is kinda my fault, and you know...I really do-"He stopped, not wanting to push Izzie's emotions any further than they already were. She nodded, and he simply shrugged. "So uh, you want me to drive ya home?"

Izzie nodded, wiping away a tear. "Sure."

* * *

When Cristina and George arrived back at Meredith's, they found her and Derek sitting contently on the couch watching a movie that neither of them seemed that interested in.

"Okay, seriously...all this ooey gooey love stuff-it's making me wanna vomit. I get it, you two are all in love and stuff. That's fine. But seriously-this whole kissing thing..."Cristina muttered.

"Fine, Cristina. I get it."Meredith said, laughing a little.

"So uh...I guess I should go-"Derek said, getting up.

"I'll walk you to the door."Meredith said, getting up with him.

Standing right outside the door, Derek appeared like he didn't really want to leave.

"You know, you didn't have to go. Cristina's just going through some stuff with Burke right now, I know she doesn't really mean anything by it."Meredith said, trying to reassure him.

Derek nodded, his hands resting on her shoulders. "I know. But I really should get home. If I don't-I won't get any sleep, and wether I like it or not, I have work tomorrow."

Meredith frowned. "So do I. So uh...See ya around, Dr.Shepherd?"She said, a smile gracing her face.

Derek grinned, laughing a little. Kissing her, he nodded before turning to leave. "Sure thing, Grey." Walking to his car, he unlocked the door and then turned back around. "Hey Mer?"

She turned back around towards him. "Yeah?"

"Just so you know, I love you, too. Seriously."

She smiled, watching him get into his car. "See you tomorrow." Meredith stood on the front step and watched him drive away before turning to go back inside. The day with Derek hadn't gone exactly how she had planned, but she enjoyed in none the less, and while she was with him, she felt different. She felt happy.-It was something Meredith Grey could get used to.


	15. Finally

**Author's Note: So here we are...the end. Hard to believe, I guess. And to be honest, I'm a little disappointed in myself. But it's New Year's Day..and I've had people asking for an update. **

**Up to speed..okay-six months later. Burke and Cristina's wedding. They worked everything out (and Cristina's keeping her last name in the hospital, or atleast she says she is). Izzie and Alex are figuring things out, but he's keeping true to his promise. George is...well, he's George. MerDer-Okay..so yeah, this IS a MerDer fic, so it's centric around them and everything. WIthout spoiling anymore, I hope you enjoy...Review, please-and let me know...epilogue?****

* * *

**

"Stop fussing, Cristina...you look fine."Meredith insisted.

"No. It's not that. It's everything. I'm getting married, Mer. Married."Cristina said, clearly nervous. "I love Burke. He's-He's my fiancee'...my almost husband."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, he is. And Burke loves you. You two got everything worked out...but to be honest, I didn't expect you to write your own vows."

Cristina shot her a glance. "Why?"

"Well-you just...you know what? This is _your_ day. Okay?"She said as Izzie opened the door.

"Hey...so yeah-I talked to Derek in the hallway. The ceremony is about to start. They need the rings."She said, reaching into her purse.

"Um, Iz-"Cristina said, watching her. "You brought _crackers_ to my wedding?"

"Yeah..."She said, nibbling a little.

Laughing, Meredith gave Cristina's shoulder a squeeze. "It's okay, Cris."She said. "I'll get the rings for you."

Izzie went to deliver thr rings, but came back quickly. "Okay. So this is it..your big day. Are you nervous?"

"There's half of the hospital, his mother, _my_ mother out there..what do you think?"Cristina asked, jokingly. "But everything's fine. Um...should we go?"

* * *

Meredith caught Derek's eyes, smiling from across the altar. Meredith had been one of Cristina's bridesmaids, and Derek one of the best men-Chief Webber being the other. As the ceremony began, Meredith found herself staring at them-and how happy they were. For once, Burke actually rambled-going on and on about how much he truly loved her, and the qualities that she had that made them so similar. It wasn't until they were exchanging rings did she realize Derek was staring at her. It wasn't an intense gaze, or one of those sappy "that could be us" looks (to her, anyway). But it was still a look. Their look.

She thought how muc everything had changed, how she kept coming back to the same people. Their family kept getting bigger-Burke was a part of it now, and soon Izzie's baby would be, too. And then there was Derek...an "honorary" member.

After Burke and Cristina kissed, everyone clapped, offering words of encouragement and congratulations. It wasn't long before the crowd began to disperse, and she saw Derek heading towards her. "Hey."

"Hey."

She smiled, giving him a kiss.

"Beautiful ceremony."He said, glancing over at Izzie. "I'm sorry. I'm not...interrupting "important bridesmaid business" am I?"

"No. Not at all."She insisted.

"Okay. Well then...I guess we should get to the reception?"He asked, grabbing Meredith's hand. "You okay?"

Meredith nodded as they walked. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good. Good."He said, somewhat enjoying the lull. It wasn't everyday that everyone dressed up..and a wedding was a special occurence as well.

At the reception, Derek amd Meredith split up to go different ways-Meredith to speak with Cristina and Izzie before the dancing started. And Derek-to help Cheif rehearse his speech.

"So how does it feel to be a married woman?"Izzie asked.

"It's great, Iz. But see..Preston and I-"

"Preston, huh?...Since when?"Meredith asked, joking.

"Anyway...we won't have much of a honeymoon. But still, he won't tell me where we're going. The element of surprise."Cristina said, watching Burke walk over.

Alex walked towards Izzie, offering his arm. "So did you-"

"Alex..not now."Izzie insisted.

Meredith looked over, sensing something was going on. "Not now, what?"

"I was going to keep it a secret. It's Cristina and Burke's day...I don't want to overshadow it."

"Well if you have any news, feel free to share."Burke insisted. "I don't mind."

Izzie drew a breath, looking over at Alex. "I was going to tell you later. But I guess any time is as good as now. I know I said I didn't want to know what the baby was...that Alex and I agreed that until he or she was born, we wouldn't know. But when I went to my appointment yesterday-"

"Just spill it, Iz-Inquiring minds want to know."Cristina said, Burke's arm around her.

"I'm having a boy."

"Oh..that's great. Isn't it?"George asked.

"What's great?"Derek asked, hearing them talk.

"Izzie's having a boy."Meredith said.

Derek nodded, impressed. "Fantastic. Uh, Mer can we talk for a second..."

"Not at the moment, Shepherd."Burke said, apoligizing for interrupting them. "But I believe it's time My wife and I danced. If she wants to, of course."

Cristina took his hand, smiling. "Of course."

The song began and Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith's waist.

"They look so happy."

"They are happy."

"I know."

He kissed the top of her head and turned his attention back to Burke and Cristina. "To find something like that...where to anyone else, it doesn't make sense..but to them-it's perfect. Seems like it'd be one of those one of a kind-"

"You mean once in a lifetime?"Meredith corrected.

Derek wrinkled his nose, nudging her. "Fine. Doctor Grey."

"Doctor Shepherd."

He stared into her eyes, finding himself lost. Not even a year before, they had been in that place. That place where they didn't talk, where they practically hated each other. But then, at the wedding, everything seemed to changed. Everything was different, and he didn't think he could fall in love any further than he had. That's the thing about weddings.

"What?"

"Nothing."Derek said, smiling.

"You're giving me that look again."Meredith said, not complaining.

"What look?-Oh, I assume you mean 'our' look?"Derek asked.

Meredith nodded, leaning into him. The song had ended and Burke leaned in to kiss Cristina. A few camera flashes blinked and they walked off of the dance floor. It was then that Chief Webber took the microphone, and picked up his glass.

"Oh...the speech. This oughtta be good."Derek said.

"You helped him practice. Wouldn't you know?"Meredith asked.

"Excuse me..."Chief said, urging everyone to be quiet. "Doctor Burke..Preston..asked if I would say a few words, and I felt obliged to. Most of you here know them...most of you know either Burke or Cristina..or the both of them together. Those of you who do-count yourself lucky. I have been Chief of surgery for quite some time now..but never before have I seen two people who are more fierce, more competetive...more determined to do their personal best. Not just at work..but in their personal lives as well. Both take life on..and now that they are husband and wife...they'll be doing it together. Preston-Cristina...I wish that you both stay happy, content...together...and that you both remain as happy as you are now for the rest of your lives. I wish you the best of luck."

With that, everyone toasted (minus Izzie, who was content drinking gingerale).

After they cut the cake, everyone split up, talking and dancing. Derek approached Meredith, trying his best to act official. "Meredith-"

"Yes?"

He offered his hand, getsturing towards the dance floor. "Would you dance with me?"

She took his hand, laughing a little. "Of course."

Derek pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself."She said, staring into his eyes.

"I love you, Meredith."

"I love you, too Derek."She said, leaning her forehead against his.

"You're happy?"

She pulled back, nodding her head. "Yeah. I am."She replied as they glided along with the music. "I have to admit though."

Derek stared at her, curious.

"I had no idea you could dance."

He shrugged, pretending to shake it off. "It's a gift. I guess. I didn't know you could dance, either."

"True."

They danced, everyone else in the room seemingly disappearing. Meredith looked into his eyes, seeing how happy he was. In truth, she was happy, too. When the song ended, Derek and Meredith remained in the same spot, neither of them moving.

"So earlier-what did you need to speak to me about?"Meredith asked.

Derek cleared his throat, leading her off of the dance floor. "Nothing in particular. I just wanted the chance to talk to my girlfriend...there are a lot of people here."

"And you were thinking I wasn't gonna talk to you? Come on..let's go outside."She said, holdoing Derek's hand as they walked out of the building.

"Why are we out here?"Derek asked.

"Because."Meredith said, coughing. "A moment alone, maybe? Either way...why do I get the feeling that there's more to what you wanted to say?"

Derek considered what she was saying, knowing that he probably could have said more. "Okay. Well there was. Sort of."

"Okay."

He thought, trying to choose his words carefully. "I love you. You know that."

"And?"

"I saw the way you were looking at me...and the ceremony. And it made me think...it made me wonder. And I just..I thought about us. One day-down the road sometime...what we'd..what we'd say, and what we'd be like. This-This thing...this dating thing. It's going good, right?"

She nodded.

"Right. Okay so...we're good. I know that. You know that. We've...got a good thing going right now, you know. I guess what I meant to say-or what i'm trying to say is that someday...I'll ask you. Whatever you say, that's up to you. But I love you."Derek looked at her, surprised at what he said himself.

Feeling tears begin to sting her eyes, Meredith smiled. "So now you have plans?"

Derek closed his eyes, nodding.

"Okay. Good."She said, kissing him. In that moment, she didn't want it to end.

"Hey guys-"George said, poking his head out the door. "They're about to open gifts. Oh...I'm-I'm sorry."

Derek pulled back, turning towards George. "It's okay. We'll be right in."

George nodded, shutting the door.

"So..."Derek said, moving towards the door. "We should go in?"

Meredith nodded. "Yep."

Derek nodded, opening the door for her. "After you."


End file.
